April 9, 2009 @ 7:59am

Today's affirmation from science of mind is Today I ask and listen for guidance to light my life, to take me to the mountaintop. I walk this path with enthusiasm, joy, and thanksgiving.
The mountaintop is exactly where I need to go, to get some clarity to understand what is going on around me and to figure out my next steps. I'm feeling in limbo, actually I am in limbo awaiting information about the possibility of a change in employment. This is when an inkling of pessimism in me rears its ugly head and I start to doubt. At the same time, I surrender to life forces beyond me and trust that whatever happens it is in divine order but, no and the waiting makes me uneasy. I'm cool though, I feel this sense of peace and a knowing that my next steps are good ones, I will end up in the best place for my spirit, for my talents and suitable for my hearts sincere aspirations.
The truth is I am so thankful for the stability in my life, the ease with which life continues to unfold and I am excited about where I am headed, I am humbled to be in a space to be a light, to model what it means to be happy on the inside and I am honored to know the divinity that lies within me.
The writing is unfolding into something I had not expected or would comprehend for myself. I realize that I'm not really interested in writing the same old stories and I'm definitely not interested in writing something formulaic although that's what makes writers successful. I'm finding this yearning to reach into the depths of human emotion, to call forth what is really true, despite it's pain and weirdness. I'm reading this book by E. Lynn Harris and the protagonist reads like a dumb blonde although it's a black gay man with a master's degree. Of course, it pulls me out of the story because I'm like how could he be so stupid but then I remember he is still a man and that he is caught up in the moment of it all. And that's just it, is it being caught up that has humans engaged in crazy behavior or are we just lying to ourselves in an elevated way. In a way where we feel no sense of responsibility, no sense of using our minds and no sense of recognizing what is really in front of ourselves. Or if my theory is right, we are digitally brain wahsed with images that hypnotize us into thinking our lives should be codified in a specific way. I get so turned off by people who find their self worth contained within their jobs or material things. I'll never forget when I ask people a simple question, "who are you?" I love it when people come back weeks, months or years later with the real answer because it finally dawned on them that what I was asking was beyond the usual but more importantly, how the question stuck with them because in their heart of hearts, all they ever wanted in life was for someone to aks them about themselves. I yearn for someone to actually sit down and get to know me, not what they think of me, not what they want from me, not what they expect or whatever. It would be nice to reveal all of who I am and to experience all of who they are. Culture makes us think that we don't have time but connecting to other people has to be something worth investing our time and time is the only indicator of true intentions when it comes to humans. I haven't been in a long term relationship in over ten years because I don't meet people who want to take the relatinoship thing slow, they want quick instant gratification. I don't do instant, I'm a cook, I like to start from scratch and merinate and let it simmer on low. There is nothing more satisfying than a well prepared meal and not this processed stuff. There's nothing more satisfying than a well prepared relationship, I can only guess but I find that I grow fond of people over time, in time and not for a while. Consistent interaction over the years allows the interaction to blossom into something deeply profound. I am growing into myself, into my art and into this thing called life. I get better each day and each day I grow with patience and with understanding.
I am perfect and I am whole and I am complete. I LOVE ME!