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It's frisky Friday but I won't be doing of the real frisy business, just wishing and hoping and praying. It's also 'Good Friday' and a national holiday. What's amazing is my disconnect from holidays and their influence on my life. It's like I'm sitting here and all of a sudden I realize it's a holiday, a similar sensation to a small animal that crawls on you while sleep but suddenly you feels its presence. It's bizzarre almost surreal because so much of the holiday culture has been an intregal part of my life and now I can go months unphazed and void of holiday mayheim.
Good Friday is an interesting holiday in that it is the day that Jesus dies, one could look at it as dark but it's the Sunday following that makes it all bright and socially acceptable. I hear myself take on some political social commentary. Which brings me to this idea of change. This is my hundredth morning page, for 100 days I have made a solid commitment to the page and it feels like a real triumphant moment. The process has been wonderful, I have grown and learned things about myself in these days. It has been nice giving back to myself, getting to know myself and allowing my true inner desires to come to the fore for consideration. I hadn't realized how disconnected I was from myself, how long I had let life manipulate me into so many things and how parts of me were completely neglected especially the parts of my soul that yearned for a deeper connection with others and the experience of true love. How I got here is beyond my comprehension but I see it all around me and in others. I want to save them but then I feel a bit of pang in my head, it's the sign to save myself first and foremost.
I'm still in the middle of this angst, it's not a high, it's not a low and it's not bad nor is it exactly good. The only way I can explain it is that I feel as if I am floating in the middle of existence and here there is no real expectations or special requirements. In this middle zone, my life simply is and I feel content but there is a part of me that is resisting this contentment, probably because I'm not used to it. I'm so used to the drama, so use to the pain and sorrow and so used to being out of my mind. I keep telling myself that there is nothing wrong with this middle zone but of course my ego wants to send me down some destructive path. I've grown enough to not go down a destructive path and I refuse to let drama control my existence. I think what will happen in time is that I will become more and more comfortable with this middle zone, this contentment and this living from within. And with each word I write I feel the sense of calm come over me, I feel the ease with which my life has become and I settle into the tender arms of spirit and surrender the need to control everything in my life. Okay, everything really is okay and I'm okay and all is okay in the world despite the illusions being presented on the news.
Change that's what this is about and I'm grateful to be in the full conscious of experiencing positive change, spiritual change and change inwardly. This is my last morning page as we know it and for the next one hundred days I will explore the world around me and express in words my reflections and my divine analysis. Also, I made a discovery last night that the following one hundred days will be full of poetry which really excites me and I'll end the last sixty-five days of the year with fictional creative expressions, thereby bringing me into the new year with lots to reflect back on and pulling me closer to my vision of being a creative writer.
I am perfect and I am whole and I am complete. I LOVE ME!
Good Friday is an interesting holiday in that it is the day that Jesus dies, one could look at it as dark but it's the Sunday following that makes it all bright and socially acceptable. I hear myself take on some political social commentary. Which brings me to this idea of change. This is my hundredth morning page, for 100 days I have made a solid commitment to the page and it feels like a real triumphant moment. The process has been wonderful, I have grown and learned things about myself in these days. It has been nice giving back to myself, getting to know myself and allowing my true inner desires to come to the fore for consideration. I hadn't realized how disconnected I was from myself, how long I had let life manipulate me into so many things and how parts of me were completely neglected especially the parts of my soul that yearned for a deeper connection with others and the experience of true love. How I got here is beyond my comprehension but I see it all around me and in others. I want to save them but then I feel a bit of pang in my head, it's the sign to save myself first and foremost.
I'm still in the middle of this angst, it's not a high, it's not a low and it's not bad nor is it exactly good. The only way I can explain it is that I feel as if I am floating in the middle of existence and here there is no real expectations or special requirements. In this middle zone, my life simply is and I feel content but there is a part of me that is resisting this contentment, probably because I'm not used to it. I'm so used to the drama, so use to the pain and sorrow and so used to being out of my mind. I keep telling myself that there is nothing wrong with this middle zone but of course my ego wants to send me down some destructive path. I've grown enough to not go down a destructive path and I refuse to let drama control my existence. I think what will happen in time is that I will become more and more comfortable with this middle zone, this contentment and this living from within. And with each word I write I feel the sense of calm come over me, I feel the ease with which my life has become and I settle into the tender arms of spirit and surrender the need to control everything in my life. Okay, everything really is okay and I'm okay and all is okay in the world despite the illusions being presented on the news.
Change that's what this is about and I'm grateful to be in the full conscious of experiencing positive change, spiritual change and change inwardly. This is my last morning page as we know it and for the next one hundred days I will explore the world around me and express in words my reflections and my divine analysis. Also, I made a discovery last night that the following one hundred days will be full of poetry which really excites me and I'll end the last sixty-five days of the year with fictional creative expressions, thereby bringing me into the new year with lots to reflect back on and pulling me closer to my vision of being a creative writer.
I am perfect and I am whole and I am complete. I LOVE ME!
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