April 5, 2009 @ 9:00am

Sunday morning and I'm feeling fine, feeling real good and I'm feeling like I want to press on. I've got so many things on my mind this morning, first I'm struggling with the senseless killings that are occurring in our country and wondering how spirituality fits into helping people come to the truth of who and what they really are. I get so frustrated with the aggression of violent acts and the need to passively act in a state of rage. When will people learn to communicate their challenges with the people they are frustrated with before they fill the need to kill randomly?
I continue to feel as if my life is on some precipice of change and the only thing I need to do is simply be, to fall face frontal into my new life, my new way of being, in the new moment. My problem is that I always think I'm supposing to be doing something, more than that I think I'm suppose to be in control and if the truth be told, I think I can do things better than God which of course is not the truth but where I attained this strong will and need to be in control came when I was a child. As the eldest I didn't have the luxury of waiting on anyone to help me or do for me, not only did I have to do for myself, I had to do for my brother and sister too. It wasn't extreme but I can see how it has had an affect on me and how informs the way I conduct my life. More so, the ways in which it informs my thinking and my thinking is the thing that I am very interested in changing, my mind has controlled my life for so long and now I want it to control my life in the way that brings me satisfaction and joy.
I feel like I'm repeating myself and it's true that I am but I feel like I have to affirm this for myself time and time again. It's almost like a daily conversation I need to have with myself. Today's affirmation from science of mind is: Today I remember the secret that my protection rests in knowing the truth that I am one with the power.
This is a very important affirmation, at least for me and ties into the struggle I'm having with the senseless violence. This notion that we don't feel protected and to the point where we are led to think we need to kill somebody else in defense but in an offensive and unsuspecting way. Also, it helps me to recall the truth and to embrace the spirit within. I'm feeling preachy and unfocused this morning with these pages but that's exactly what they are for, for this mind bantering, my minds desire to make sense of it all and the sporadic thoughts that leap from one thought to another.
This morning I feel this over whelming need to simply take it easy, to be light and be love. To walk into each moment with gladness and appreciation for another moment of living within this type of existence because I know we go on to somewhere else and I'm willing to accept what is good and wonderful about now. Today I will walk to my community garden plot, spend some time communing with the soil and giving myself a moment to plan what I will do, exactly which vegetable I will grow and if I will plant any flowers. I'm excited about taking the long way to the park, to give myself a chance to exercise a bit before figuring out the gardening, to get my blood pumping first. I'm proud of this force inside of me that is determined to move my life in a healthy direction, to move my body with more vigor and to come to a healthy relationship around food. It's nice to have this rumbling of my stomach in the morning, a feeling of being hungry because this is something I hadn't experienced in a while because I was always eating late night snacks. Now my stomach informs me that it's time to eat and I eat. This is the way eating was meant to be. And I'm getting there is slow and assured steps, in ways that surprise and delight. I'm leaning on my inner source as oppose to my monkey mind for directions on how to live and thing keep getting better and better. I can't help but feel blessed that my life is going well, that the bills are getting paid and my life is resembling some sense of stability. That's not to say that being unstable was bad, it was challenging, it was my life for a long while and it was made up all of the stuff that makes me who I am today.
I am perfect and I am whole and I am complete. I LOVE ME!