March 9, 2009 @ 8:07am

Monday Morning Magnificent Miraculous Mayhem, ok it's one of those days because I hadn't realized I was suppose to push my clock forward, I only found out last night when I demanded that my son get some work done by a certain time, he informed me that he would not be able to do it. I was of course insisting that he get it done or else but in his know-he-right voice, the voice that kids love to use on parents when they know they are one up on them, he informs me that the time had already passed and it would be impossible for him to complete the task by the indicated time. Of course for extra measure, he gloated about wanting to appease me, do everything I wanted him to do but he was unable. And although a part of me was enjoying the trickery upon me, my adult mind was adamant but I was stopped dead in my tracks when he displayed in front of my face the time on the cable box. Believe it or not, the one place in the house where time is always correct is on the cable box, when did this happen? I ran from kitchen, to living room and to bedroom, when it dawned on me that this must be the weekend to turn our clocks forward. It dawned on me that my need to be disconnected from news reports, makes me a casualty of this type of incident, had I at least listened to the news once a day or something, this moment of kid power would of been avoided. Nonetheless, my son won and I poked some fun at myseld, so as to reduce the amount of embarassment, he had his moment of glory and I went on about my motherly duty of bossing him around but with better time specifics.
So here we are, pushed into the future by an hour and I have no feelings about it, one way or another. I missed the whole event and now I'm going to google time changes and write them in my calendars, so as to be on top of this matter next time. The only real change I witness was the darnkness that was prevasive this morning, normally it is light outside, now I am greeted with the residual effects of the moon shifting onward. The apartment felt a bit quiet this morning, I almost thought that perhaps a mistake was made at comcast but I guess in all the digital technical difficulties that I have had to endure, time is not an issue for them and considering my dependence on them for time, that's a good thing. So, in the quiet I looked upon the public busses that rolled past me, I could see the normal number of riders and this, this was the moment I choose to accept that the time change was in fact real. I had begun to embrace the nuance but the notion of others going along with the time change was what allowed me to continue with confidence and not feel as if I was about to arrive at work an hour early.
The whole springing forward thingamabobber is a welcome surprise, a way for me to ease into the seasonal change and the glowing characteristic of better weather, actually not better weather, just a change in weather. I'm learning that, no remembering why I used to love winters, they were an indication of change in season, the needed cycle of environmental evolution or revolution. As I think about gardening, I reconcile with the gifts that winter bring to the soil and the potential of new life blossoming into being. The way the hardened ground softens to take in seeds and compost. The way sun zaps energy into those seeds and shifts the expanded growth one day at a time. I'm anxious to see the leaves return to trees, the flowers bloom and the unpredictableness of it all. It has rained a fair amount this weekend, I love the rain, I love the wetness that brings about a sense of letting go and opening up to something far more expansive and beautiful or at least better than before. This weekend has taught me a valuable lesson about time. There is no time if you aren't conscious of it and there is more than enough time if you stop engaging deadlines. I recognize time as a constant yet absent in real tangible meaning, it's just a way to engage for contrast or comparison. I feel more like myself when I'm not trying to do something and less like myself when I am trying to be all things to all people. I feel as if I will live forever when I avoid clocks and feel as if the end is nearing when I live my life teethered to a clock. I feel most at peace when I experience each moment for what it is without expectation and with each moment, I see myself blossoming into something, what I don't exactly know but it's good, it's alright and it's me.
I am perfect and I am whole and I am complete. I LOVE ME !