March 7, 2009 @ 5:50am

I feel asleep early last night, they say read a boring book and I guess I found the book that causes me to drift into la-la land although I'm enjoying the book, I can't help but see how the writing is a bit flat but very informative. What I most relate to in the book is the time period and all the nuanced things that were relative at the time. Also, it's amazing to think that another black family on the west coast was having a similar experience to my family which was located in the midwest. The book has a journalistic overtone which makes the memoir aspect of the book feel distant. Even in first person, I get this energy of someone looking down at their experience as oppose to someone having an experience.
Today's affirmation: The gifts of the Spirit spill out through me daily as peace, joy, wisdom, intelligence, healing, and love. Quickly and easily, I turn my mind to God during each day. Small connections guide me through every task (www.scienceofmind.com).
I'm most appreciative of the turn in the weather, I've been a trooper when it comes to the cold. I walk to and from work every day, it's not that far but even when it's snowing, raining or when I need to grapple with inches of fresh snow, I trek through the mess without complaining. I wish for warmer weather but I recognize the beauty of seasonal changes, I've come to accept that since I made the choice to stay in Michigan then cold weather is par for the course. Also, I'm watching myself develop into someone who centers in the moment and envelopes all that life has to offer.
This solitude that I have bequeathed myself is wonderfully soothing and revelatory in nature. I have spent my entire life pushing and contriving and orchestrating what I thought was the destiny of my path in life. It has felt completely liberating to be done with expectations, I have felt more forward movement toward my purpose by simply doing very little or at least trying to control very little. In this air of peaceful living, I give myself to my deepest desires, I've reconnected with the Charlotte that has always been there but too busy trying to do what everyone else wants her to do and I've finally figured out what I want, what I truly, genuinely and at a solar plexus level, I know what my purpose is. My only struggle is not knowing how to get there, I have no clear outlook on the steps it will require to accomplish my heart's true desire. I wonder if it is time, or me and my abilities or if it is just my need to dream some old dream, I sense the potential for a miracle but I'm allowing fear and doubt to cloud what I know to be true. Nonetheless, I refuse to give up which is part and parcel of who I am. I'm always hoping for the impossible, always feeling for the invisible and tasting the intangible.
I envision a life of teaching science and writing books for children and adults. I envision being in an intimate partnership with a man where we share unconditional love. I envision a two story traditional house with three or four bedrooms and just as many bathrooms as well as a porch that has a swing. At my house, I grow flowers in the front yard and I meticulously maintain a garden full of vegetables with a few fruit trees. I envision a home where family and friends frequent. I envision life as living easy, simple yet with an abundance of love. I envision grandchildren who bring light to my world.
In this morning of self reflection, I attempt to get back to who I really am and what makes for a magnificent life for me. Also, I surrender to the divine spirit recognizing that what is meant to be will be and accepting each moment as what it is, which is a gift to know the truth of my being. I like the way I slowly stroll to work, not trying to walk too fast and not trying to experience the unique essence that is manifested each time, each day. To discover something new or the subtle shift or change. It is glorious to be using my feet, to feel the strength of my back as I move along. i want to say that I don't know what tomorrow holds but the truth is, I do know and my job is to receive the bountiful blessings of the divine, the goodness that is rightfully mine. The outsourcing of prosperity into my life because it is my birthright. I keep itching to do something, something grand or of significant gesture and yet in the stillness, a voice indicates that there is nothing for me to do but be open to receiving and I can't hardly embrace this simple instruction because I've spent my entire life feeling as if I need to do something in order to get something or I need to do something to get a few crumbs.
Every day I am re-aligning myself with my spiritual truths and allowing moments to unfold in their effortless abundance. I am filled with spirit and I am blessed.
I am perfect and I am whole and I am complete. I LOVE ME!