March 22, 2009 @ 8:56am

Sunday and I'm feeling content. It's been a journey coming back to myself, relinquishing the need to be everything for everybody and turning inward to honor my own dreams and desires. The steps toward this path seemed almost impossible but with each day I get a glimpse of why doing this for myself is a really good thing and how it opens me up in ways I hadn't been open to before. I like the way I get ideas, I like the way in which I am gentler in my self talk, I like the way I honor what my body is saying, I like the way my says simply flow without regard to date, I like the way I am coming into a more concrete spiritual understanding, I like this energy of peace that envelopes my life, I like not having any answers, I like the suspense of a new day, the endless possibilities, I like doing what I can as best I can, I like the silence I'm with for the better part of my day, I like people more because I see the divinity in them, I like this reunification with nature, I like looking up to the sky and looking at the stars, I like awaking with words of gratitude, I like looking in the mirror and really appreciating my own divine nature, I like feeling the sun on my skin, I like the strength I have come to generate to withstand the struggles of life, I like the return of common sense to me, I like Sundays when I give myself permission to do absolutely nothing, I like using the four agreements in my life, I like the way I pray now, I like the way I meditate when I need to without a whole lot of stuff, I like this confidence that grows inside of me, I like the way I play with words on the page, I like the way the spirit channels exceptional creativity to me when I just surrender, I like drinking water, I like being outside, I like the sexual energy radiating throughout my body, I like simple things, I like everything and I like me.
Every day I make a plan to make my life into the life that I desire. Even with a plan things don't always turn out the way I would like but I'm patient with myself, I'm using affirmative language and I'm saying to myself, you will get there. I step back sometimes and I realize how I am treating myself and how I am finally displaying the characteristics of care to myself that I would want somebody to care for me. I relish in the patience I have with myself, the gentle prodding, the way I say I can do it or I'll say everything is going to be alright or I look at myself in those moments when I am choosing to do nothing and thank the person inside for getting me to this point because if the person inside can get me to this point, the person inside can get me to newer more self loving points. I love it when I aspire to be better, to smile more, to love more, to give more, to let go, to give in, to require less, to see God in others, to see how beautiful I am, to unleash my inner most desire, to honor my unique ways, to let the sun shine and the clouds appear without feeling as I am going to fall. My life is good, stable and I feel blessed. Yet, I know that there is so much more for me and not just in a materialistic sense but in an experiential sense, in that I will have the opportunity to grow in my connection to others and to God. Amazing to me is the power of forgiveness of others and of the self. It's the simultaneous release of energy and getting of energy. I can't quite explain it in words but I find within forgiveness a divine reassurance and an encompassing peace of mind infused with spectacular energy, flow of life force throughout my body and I am so appreciative, so blessed and feel love's perfect wonder.
I don't know where I'm going and for a control freak like myself, I can honestly say I don't need to know because I'm enjoying the journey, I'm enjoying the awakening inside of my mind, body and spirit. I love what the course in the law of attraction states about our wants. When we want something, the way the universe manifest something is not in a direct sense but in an opportunistic sense. For example, I say I want a new job but what has happened is this, I have found a renewed energy in my current job, I have recomited to doing a better job at my current job. I have re dedicated myself to being the best that I can be and giving 100% or more and what I discovered about this because I thought it didn't make any sense but I went with it. I discovered that by giving my all to my current job, it is only preparation for me to give my all in my next job, a job that will come and will be everything I need it to be. My energy opened up when I got back to simply appreciating what I had, I opened up to endless possibilities by focusing on the now, I opened up and surrendered to the holy spirit to do the work of moving me into my next job. Also, the real blessing is in my new daily regimen where I work and then come home and write. The truth be told, if I had a new job right now I don't think I would of gotten back to the page because I would of been overwhelmed but with this new schedule I can move into a job that will fit into my life as oppose to me fitting into the life of the job. More importantly, I will bring a sense of giving my best to the job as oppose to the way in which I normally move into my next jobs with a sense of guilt for not having performed during the later days of my old job. I want to give my best until the end, I want to be in a space of giving, so I don't have to change or figure out what to do and I want to honor the ebb and flow of right action. Lastly, all of this open me up to whatever may come as my new place of employment. I fully realize that it's not about the people or the building or the office space or the size of the institution or stuff that's really out of my control. It's about performing the work that I am being paid to do with fervor and with a spirit of optimism. I'm not sure what all this means I just feel it's right in the moment, it's not complicated or full of negative stuff. I'm enjoying being more in my moments, being present to life and feeling the spaces of my heart open more and more to the only thing that matters which is LOVE.
I am perfect and I am whole and I am complete. I LOVE ME!