March 20, 2009 @ 7:16am

Good Morning Life and what a wonderful life it is. It's Fabulous Friday and I'm ready for the weekend, ready for good weather and relaxation time. I don't have any real plans but I'm looking forward to whatever life has in store for me. Perhaps I will spring clean or bean to contemplate what I have left in my spring to summer wardrobe or maybe I'll read the three books I have on side table, finally complete them once and for all.
Today's affirmation is The gifts of the Spirit spill out through me daily as peace, joy, wisdom, intelligence, healing, and love. As I receive God's love, I am healed; I am revealed; I am a lover of life (www.scienceofmind.com). What an amazing affirmation and the truth is we are always recipients of God's love, it's when we move into conscious knowing of this simple fact, that's when our lives are open to perfection and we become intimately united with living. I love the thought of being a over of life because conventional wisdom would suggest that life is rough, hard and uncontrollable but to step away from being a victim and becoming an active and engaging in life from a place of loving life can only manifest goodness and abundance and joy and peace and most of all love.
I'm loving my life and why wouldn't I. It's my life and if I don't love, who in the world is going to love it or who in the world is going to take the time and energy to make my life loving. At times I want to push away spiritual thoughts that say I have to do for myself, love myself and take responsibility because I already have this feeling of the weight on my shoulders but then I get it and I understand that the weight is the result of my thoughts. The choices I make about what to think. Someone I interact with on a regular basis, I shall keep their identity anonymous but they have this tendency to be paranoid about everything and I was realizing yesterday the way in which I have started to do this, the ways in which I was starting to interpret certain chain of events with this mental paranoia, the thoughts were debilitating and they struck a nerve with me and I did what I do when I feel uneasy I ate too much. I ate so much my stomach was hurting and although I could feel the pain I kept eating and at one point I stopped but then tried to rationalize why I should at least finish eating what was on my plate. This conscious bantering back and forth with myself was extremely enlightening because for one I understood that full feeling as comforting, I understood that pain as something to feel instead of what I really should of been feeling, I understood that this habit is real and something I will have to keep an eye on for the rest of my life. I understood that if I kept doing this, I would eventually grow numb again and I didn't want that. I understood in a real way that these thoughts of paranoia weren't mine but something I was taking from my environment, something I was taking from old behavior and something I was grasping to avoid being conscious. Also, I get the feeling that it is the small way in which I began to sabotage myself. and my ego needs to do this because for years I have said that I will never be successful, I will never fulfill my deepest inner most desires but these last few months I have honored myself in the most loving of ways and it feels good. I keep returning to the value statements I have about myself and as much as I know they are a lie, I find myself slipping into old beliefs not because they serve my greater good but out of old habit.
The truth is I am feeling good, I am living my life with truth, passion and love. I am honoring the God in myself with actions that keep me humbled, blessed and I feel the embrace of the universal love energy. I finally put down the bowl and stopped eating, I was so full I had to lie down because the pain was slightly unbearable. But I was conscious of what was going on which affords me the chance to be reflective, to learn from this experience and to discover tools to ensure that I never go there again or at least try not to.
I'm reminded of the four agreements by Miquel Ruiz, always do your best, don't take anything personally, be impeccable with your words and don't make assumptions. I can see how if I just utilize these four understandings about the world around me, I would eliminate any need to be paranoid about anything. I would eliminate any desire to allow external forces be the governing force of my life. I can see how much power I give to whoever and whatever when the real power to have a good life lies within myself. It's all so very simple in it's written form and a challenge to use in life expressions. I didn't like that full feeling, it was disturbing to me and it felt like I was returning to old me, the me that wanted to be a victim and not a conqueror. I don't have to be the old me, I can and will manifest the truth of living within my day to day life actions. I want and will create my best life right now because I have everything I need to do this. And when I experience these moments when I slip, I'll do what I'm doing now, I'll be gentle with myself, I'll be understanding and I'll encourage myself to press on knowing I can do it. I'll give myself the very thing I want someone else to give me but when I reflect back to me what I truly desire, I experience a jolt of indescribable joy radiate throughout my body and I get the feeling that this is the way life is suppose to be lived.
I am perfect and I am whole and I am complete. I LOVE ME!