March 19, 2009 @ 6:28am

Today's affirmation: The gifts of the Spirit spill out through me daily as peace, joy, wisdom, intelligence, healing, and love. Spiritual regeneration is taking place within me every time I turn to a divine quality (www.scienceofmind.com).
In considering this notion of spiritual regeneration, I wonder if two people making love which is something I don't necessarily believe in because I think intimate activity is more a physical satisfaction than a mental satisfaction or spiritual relief but maybe I am wrong. And I can see where this regenerative idea comes into play within my life. There is something fulfilling and relaxing and almost like a sense of relief when I am loving people as they are, when I am sharing the light of love or when I am just listening to other human experiences. I feel rejuvenated but I missed that thrust of newfound energy because I allowed myself to be mentally caught up in want or lack or a desire for some reciprocation. But lately as I give and be without a need for something in return, I sense a release of energy, a giving forth to the universe something substantial and substantive. I am refreshed for the next moment and delighted in the lightness of my step and the flow of joy in my heart.
I can see how regeneration happens when you let go of trying to force the outcome. I suspect that it is equivalent to putting a cover over a growing plant, the plant can't expand if it is constantly having to push against a force that doesn't want it to grow. I'm constantly pushing against my growth because I think I'm scared or I think it will mean bad things when I know better but more than anything, resistance to spiritual growth is really my ego not wanting to take FULL responsibility for my life. It's not easier living a life of victim-hood but it certainly has the illusion of being easier or perhaps it's just easier to blame anyone except myself.
There is the understanding in science that the human body is regenerative including the brain and there is this understanding within the tenants of spiritual enlightenment that suggest that we can renew ourselves at any time we choose and somewhere in the Bible it is said that we can know salvation through the renewing of our minds. This concept of renewal, regeneration is as old as it gets. It's inspiring to know that one can renew themselves because being a victim suggest that there is no hope for change. In my renewal I am looking to renew all aspects of my life from financial to psychological to family to friends, to work/career stuff to mental health to physical health to sexual health. Yeah, sexual health and I get the feeling that I'm going to be doing big things with helping myself as well as others get comfortable with the notion of sexual health, the idea of honoring the part of our being that needs and requires for optimal balance, we should engage in a fair amount of intimacy that includes sex.
The truth is, I like my sex like I like my meals, three times a day and right now I'm on a sexual starvation diet. I feel the imbalance in my spirit and I could turn to some form of recreational sex and I know it will do what it always does, leave me feeling empty and wanting and unsatisfied. Yet I take matters into my own hands, this remedy is short lived, it barely scratches the itch but it is better than nothing, better than the immediate alternative and better than subjecting myself to the unknown, the probability of really bad sex with a stranger. I get that sex is like brushing your teach and as integral apart of one's life as eating, sleeping and exercise. My insatiable appetite is a challenge for me when being single for a long periods of time. However, I find that I am creative in my foray of intimate play and I'd rather wait than subject myself to lovers who lack the wherewithal to satisfy me or are simply incapable of taping into the type of acts that are pleasing to me on a sexual level.
I've been thinking about a vision, in this space of time, I have created a website that evolves into much more but the more is vague to me at this time but it's a safe space for people to talk about sex, actually a anonymous site for black people to talk about sex, a place for people to come get advice or simply explore at a deeper level their sexuality. I imagine courses where women come together and look at the vajay jays (vaginas), much like what the sexologist Betty Dodson did back in the seventies. The idea feels remotely simple and possibly old fashion but at the same time it feels necessary, it feels right and I keep hearing my spirit call out to me to set this plan into motion.
I feel inspired this morning, some play with my sex toy evokes a sense of intimate pleasure, I'm reved up for the day and physically energized to meet the soul who will mate with me for the long term. I'm engaging this gentle push to explore this concept of sex for black people and I know that I have everything I need to develop something spectacular.
I am perfect and I am whole and I am complete. I LOVE ME!