March 14, 2009 @ 6:37am

This morning is full of revelation and reflect insight. I have a confession, not within the vain of typical confessions, it is more an understanding or fact I have fallen upon within the last few months. It came about when I began to manifest some deep and abiding inner feelings for another individual and in this space of future considerations of our connectedness which now seems all together highly unlikely, I fantacize about a series of events. One such event was simple and typical, it was the act of being told that I was loved but not just told with words, but uttered as a by-product of actions that spoke this truth far more eloquently than the sound of it slipping between the person's lips. It was at that moment in the fantasy that I came to know a truth that had escaped me all these years. A true that should of left me traumatized but instead I choose to embrace it's possibility. The truth was that in the 42 years of living, I have never had a black man ever say to me with sincere meaning or unconditionally, I have never heard the words bellow from the mouth of a black man the words, I LOVE YOU! And as potentially tragic as it is, it's just a simple fact and despite this truth, I remain loyal and determined to await the day when one black man finds it in himself to express this truth.
This revelation feels bitter sweet in lieu of our current American reality, one steeped in a presidency headed by a black man. I am optimistic and cautious. I am witnessing his love for another black woman and that gives me hope. I am yearning with a belief steeped in a spiritual understanding that the sum of my past does not have to dictate my future or the very moment that I am in right now. It is not a point I will dwell on, simply reflect on and move into the truth that I so genuinely want to experience. I have faith, I have hope and I have God.
Love is a funny thing and it seems more strange now more than ever. It feels like a distant memory on the cinematic landscape that hypnotizes people into believing a faulty perception of love. I am guilty of embracing this melodramatic, big-screen kind of love but this love never last, never unfolds in any way substantial or with substance. This new way of thinking has afforded me the chance to reflect, caused me a moment of pause as I veer towards accepting the gift of love that is indwelling and expresses outwardly when I see the God in others. I enjoy those moments when I am so in awe of another but not in a jealous way but more in a appreciative way. A way that is tantilized by the creativity that is manifested in another human being, how interesting God is for molding into human form another divine inspiration. I can't help but feel overjoyed and tickled at the beauty of it all. My admiring spirit relishes the moment more, seeks to express within this reality and I humbled to be in the presence of such greatness. I had a thought last night or was it this morning about the brain. Maybe our spiritual journey isn't about anything other than maximizing the use of our brain, for it si the largest internal organ and it controls everything yet we use so little of it.
This whole notion of sizing people up is prevalent in our social culture. This need to see someone and using our brain computer, diagnose or prescribe or project some understanding unto the person without getting to know them is crazy. And this is why so many people feel so lonely because people never really get to know other people, at least not really. We see them, we think we know who they are based on our past experience with people who are similar or not. We have a brief encounter and we are certain we know everything about them. And then there are those of us who allow others to tell us about other people without having our own experience with them and then when we meet them, we project the knowledge we have unto them and thus having the experience we expected because that's all the space we will allow with the person. I'm guilty of this and the older I get, the more ingrained this habit becomes but it was a joyous moment when I allowed this habitual dysfunctional characteristic, I allowed it to sit on the side lines as I opened myself up to another human being without regard for anything. I allowed myself to discover who they were without the need to predict or expect or require anything of them. But most pleasing was the unconditional nature of my acts, I just simply enjoyed who they were, I embraced their truth, I required nothing in return and I was humbled to have been in their presence because all I could see in them was God. I liked this about myself, this ability to engage with other spiritual beings this way and I yearn for it to happen more and more because I feel utterly alive when interacting from this place of pure love and interest. Why I can't do this every day or find more people to feel this way about is my own social conditioning, my own governance about what is socially acceptable and it's a bunch of bolonga.
Interestingly more inspiring was this notion that if we are all human beings with the same capacity then the expectations from one person to another is the same irrespective of gender, race, creed, ethnicity, etc. This means that all that business about men being different from women in a mental, psychological or spiritual sense is completely wrong. Men can love unconditionally, men can express their motions, men can tell the people they love that they love them verbally as well as in action. Men have the same brain, therefore they have the ability to engage life just like anyone else and this is the crime of the century when we think otherwise. This is why Jesus roamed the earth teaching us to step into our greatness and as a man he was trying to emphasize how this expression of spiritual truth is available to men as well as women yet men have taken Jesus and put him in a box. Sized him up as something to aspire to as oppose to confirmation of a man's ability to love unconditionally and with feeling and intimate, loving expression. Men have the same brain as women, they may have, well actually they have biological differences but these have nothing to do with how they can express themselves in the social construct of human interaction. I believe the biological is more about adaptive living. So, if men have the same brain, then I am assured that a black man has the same brain and therefore has the capacity to love and express love and that this exchange of mutual love is available to me just like it is available to all human beings on the planet.
All Jesus was trying to say to us is use more of your brain. The scripture suggest that he understood that those that would come after him would have greater capacity or greater ability to tap into their God force, their divine internal energy. And with humans averaging only about ten percent of their brain, we have so much farther to go. Maybe we should hold contest that require humans to use more of their brain because right now, as far as I can tell from television and the media, people are using less of their brain and this concerns. It all boils down to brain usage. I thought that this issue more complicated than this but it's really quite simple. Nothing science rocket about how humans will evolve, no secret really. We want to cloak it in all of this new age mumble jumble and paint it into something that people may struggle to achieve when the truth is simple, so simple even a little kid could figure it out. We have devised a culture where we regurgitate the same old, same old because we are not willing to do to the work to increase our brain activity. We want to think that this ability is only within a chosen few, no it's in all of us. I can't help but feel like this knowledge is so in alignment with everything that I have read as it pertains to spiritual enlightenment. To control the mind is not the answer, to expand the mind is the key step to living a more fulfilling life. It is the getting unstuck, the escaping the box we put ourselves in, the breaking free of social constraints that don't serve humanity anymore especially those that were created thousands of years ago. Also, I say this with all the love and support and in non-judgment, people have to be willing to be their own leader and to stop feeling this need to fit in or follow the crowd. I feel blessed in this regard because I have never been a follower although in some ways I am held back because of some need to be socially acceptable but the older I get the less of this I need. I am excited to figure out new ways to use more of my brain, to increase the amount I use in any given day, in any given moment and for the rest of my living life.
I am perfect and I am whole and I am complete. I LOVE YOU!