March 12, 2009 @ 9:05am

It's Thursday and although the sun is trying to make it's appearance, snow is trying to share the day's limelight but I'm not worried because I wore my son's infamous Eskimo hat and keeps me super warm.
Today's affirmation: The gifts of the Spirit spill out through me daily as peace, joy, wisdom, intelligence, healing, and love. As I greet everyone, Spirit's gold shines through me this day (www.scienceofmind.com). This affirmation is so inspiring and not in the normal sense but in the way that one might feel when a light bulb goes off in there head about a matter that they know subconsciously but somehow it has been made clear on a conscious level, the clarity is rewarding and comforting. I'm inspired because there is something inside of me that wants to connect to people in a simple yet positive way. There is this genuine desire to make people laugh, to identify what I know is the good inside and outside of them. I feel present and as if I am honoring my God given instinctual nature because there is nothing that brings me joy than helping people or making people smile or engaging people at a their basic core. I can't help but want to see the good in people and it pains me to see people not willing or wanting to show up in a state of their internal goodness. It pains me to realize that people find the need to be cold, distant, mean or negative is a result of the pain they suffered their entire lives, I know this feeling but for some reason I have had this amazing opportunity to rise above it all. And this elevation has come with lots of work on myself, lots of tears, lots of falling down and getting back up but most of all lots of bring honest with myself which hasn't been easy. At the end of the day I realize that if I don't make the choice to change, if I don't make the choice to know that I am more than my mistakes or so called mistakes because when I look back I can see that most everything that has happened to me has made me who I am and why would I want to deny any of it. I sometimes wonder why the path was so challenging but then I recoginize the truth about myself, I'm a complex, challenging, opinionated, highly-thinking and determined person which translate to a hard head and a soft behind, in the words of my father. I realize I am a person who could not be told to do anything, I was only going to learn by experience and I have way too many experiences to recollect at any given moment. However, I get the sense that each experience has brought me closer to wholeness, to understanding myself, to peace of mind, to inexhaustible joy and the perfect place of unconditional love. The journey felt like an unlivable suffering but I made it and as the old saying goes, God doesn't give you more than you can handle. Of course, I want to talk to God about all this stuff I need to handle but in so many ways, I created so much of my reality and therefore if I could create it, surely I can uncreate it. What a revelation, what a duty or pledge. It's that I need to uncreate, it's just that I need to recreate realizing the power within me to govern my life in co-counsel with the divine.
Yolanda Adams sings this gospel song that makes me cry every time I hear it, these are tears of joy that flush away the tears of pain and heartache. I open up my heart is the name of the inspiration tune. And at the beginning and she bellows, "I'm alone in the room and it's just between me and you, I feel so lost, cause I don't know what to do. What if I choose the wrong thing to do, I'm so afraid, afraid of disappointing you. So I need to talk to you and ask you for your guidance, especially today when mind is so cloudy lord, guide me until I'm through, I open up my heart." There it is, my daily prayer, the words I beckon before spirit and the way I live my life. I'm tired of being a know it all, tired of thinking about what I need to do next and coming up empty handed, tired of creating madness in my life. No, today I embrace the good, I open up my heart and I ask for the one thing I never ask for, I ask for help. Help me omniscient presence, be the force of light, love and liberty in my wakeful living. I keep coming back to this issue of surrender because it is the hardest of things for me to break into. Being the oldest has meant a tremendous amount of responsibility, has ingrained this need to be in complete and utter control. What I say to myself this day is that it's okay, I'm let off the hook and I don't need to carry the entire load anymore, I have a friend, a confidant, a partner, a lover, a teacher, a holy spirit that will not only guide but protect and create the unspeakable and intangible into existence for my greater good and in the energy of the only thing that matters, LOVE.
I am perfect and I am whole and I am complete. I LOVE ME!