February 9, 2009 @ 8:10am

This morning's affirmation from www.scienceofmind.com: As God’s beloved, I bask in my Beloved’s admiration and love. The words are extremely romantic and yet intimate in all the right ways. To be admired and loved is a basic desire, one stepped in a need to feel important to someone. I'm learning to admire myself, to back in my own self love and it's awesome. It's the kind of thing that teaches you something simple and real. When someone is not admiring you, when someone is not loving you, you know because you know what it feels like when you give it to yourself. I equate this to love making, for so long I looked outside myself for the answer of what would make me orgasmic but it wasn't until I put my hand on myself, experimented and tried several different types of stimulation did I uncover the path to ectasy. Loving myself has been a wonderful reference point as I venture into developing an intimate partnership. I recognize quickly when one is treating me with general things like respect, compassion or just plain old honesty.
Part of the affirmation is a study guide and or what is refered to as a daily guide. The daily guide for this month is online but normally it is located in the printed magazine (Science of Mind). I was reading the daily guide and I recognized my neglect of the daily affirmations, in some instances I hadn't even remembered the daily affirmation and I tend to at least remember a hint of what it was but for some reason my mind tripped over several of the affirmations. Reviewing the affirmations was inspiring because this month's theme has to do with loving the beloved, really in essence loving ourselves but more specifically loving the God within us and undersatnding the magnificience of that love. On one of the day's it talks about GOd's unconditional love for us, we don't have to a single solitary thing and God is loving us, God is in love with us and in any moment we can receive that for God loves us even when we are not loving ourselves or when we think we are doing wrong. It excited to realize this abundance of love without effort, this limitless well of love coming to me, through me and for me. I couldn't help but smile and render a sigh of relief. I placed my hand on my heart and felt the life force, the divine energy within me and enjoyed it for a moment. I need to do this more often.
I love how each moment in all of it's complexity and in the ways in which moments don't reflect our inner most desire, I love how they teach, they speak to the truth if I'm only willing to listen, they give space to the reality of what is, they open my heart for a deeper connection to the divine, the stillness is a place I find refuge. I'm reading a book by Bell Hooks called Belonging, in it she talks about returning to her roots. We are alot alike, we were raised in these christian homes that challenged our inner sensibilities. Hooks much like myself ran away from home, ran away from what we thought was constraining, what was dreadful and what wasn't at all good in our eyes. She had a more positive outlook on her birthplace than mine but I recall those days when I thought Ann Arbor was the worst place on earth. I never ever desired to return but then one day I looked up and realized that I had lived in several and I do mean severl major cities, in each of these cities I was seeking a sense of belonging, a sense of home. They say home is where you make it but time and time again, I found myself in the same situation, doing the same things I had done before and after my experience on skid row, I knew that the one place I was running from was the one place I would need to return in order to heal. It didn't I had to stay but I knew there was work for me in Ann Arbor. I'm here now and the work has been the biggest challenge in my life and the most rewarding. My sense of self has never been more poignant and the clarity with which I have is astounding. I know me better than I have ever known myself and I am loving me truthfully for the first time in my life. I love myself so much, so deeply that it is apparent when others are not, I can see, I can feel it and I now have the skills to step away from those who choose for whatever reason to not admire and love me. I realize I don't need to suffer from survivor's guilt because what is available and inside of me, is available and inside of them. Life is a sum of our choices, it gives me comfort to know that I'm not somehow special or privy to something that others do not. But it saddens me to witness the ways in which those I love, spend their time and energy on destroying themselves, destroying others and unwilling to step into the truth, step into God's loving arms. I can make them step but I can pray that they too will see the light, embrace the divine and be free from the darkness of illusions.
I choose to love Charlotte, I choose to feel the power and presence of the holy spirit withing and I choose to accept God's amazing love. I choose to use this divine force to create a wonderful life and I choose to step away from all drama recognizing that the actions of others is a choice. I don't knok anyone and I don't judge, I simply move into a quiet space of prayer and meditation, may they know the truth of their being. May we all know how truly spectacular we are, how worthy we are of love and how much of an expresion of God we are, in the words of Erykah Badu, call us by our real names, our real name is God.
I am perfect and I am whole and I am complete. I LOVE ME.