February 10, 2009 @ 7:37am

Good Morning Life and it's a wonderfully beautiful day. The fog is heavy as cream but the air is thick with moisture and warmth. I'm feeling inspired, I had several interesting events occur in my dreaming last night, none of which was overtly surprising just memorable enough for further consideration.
Today's affirmation (www.scienceofmind.com): As God’s beloved, I cherish each moment of intimacy (in-to-me­see) with my Divine Partner. I realize that I can receive my lover’s affection any time I desire through the practice of meditation.
I continue to be intrigued by the notion of God as lover because it's a lovely concept and comforting in ways I hadn't imagined. And the wholeness I experience as I move throughout my day, throughout the space of living and the tug of my heart. In my dream, an old friend visited, Monique who is amazingly gorgeous and has this wonderful spirit. What I most recall about our time in my dream was her locks, long flowing sandy colored perfectly tangled locks. And she had a tamborine, I used to love playing the tamborine in church and I was enthralled in the moment of our connectedness around this instrument. I can't recall the specifics of our activities within the dream, yet in some ways I felt as if I was a child again. Her hand enveloped mine, we went about looking at something, perhaps art on a wall. I relished the hooking of our pinkies when we walked about, sometimes parting a bit but still connected.
There is another instance of great clarity in the front of my memory from dreamland. A man, tall, slim yet muscular, deep baritone voice bent with compassion and love, this man carried me on his back. I never saw his face but we laughed alot, we were kindred, familiar at the deepest level of living and I felt our love was solid as rock. The purity of my recollection of this image penetrates my entire being and I can't let go. I awake wanting to return, wanting to get back to him, get back to this cocoon of unbridled attention, affection and beauty. It was real beyond real, it was peace beyond peace, it was love beyond love, it was a moment beyond any moment I have known and yet I never saw his face. I want to examine the dream for meaning but I'd rather carry it, craddle it within my heart and wish it into existence. Hopefully, I can carry on where we left off tonight when I bed.
I feel this sense of understanding, enlightenment blanketing my spirit. It holds me in the direction of light, it swaddles my basic desires and nutures the part of me that wants to try really really hard. It's nothing something you get excited about and it's not feeling of being upset, it is even, it is simple, it is leveling, it is neutral but with force and action, it is divine, it is right is the only way I can explain it. I'll say this about what is coming over me, I for the first time in my life, trust myself, trust that I will and can make the perfect choices for me. That I can and will be in my moments. That I can and will allow good to be pervasive in my living, to embrace love's conjuring joy and accept all that is as just another opportunity for me to grow.
What this moment also reminds me is of my ability to receive. Not at a level or in the vain of self-centeredness, just as the process of ebb and flow. I clogged up the funnel by giving and not receiving. The dream reminded me of what it felt like to receive, to hold hands, to ride on someone's back, an amazing sense of life was resuurected. The give and take, the pull and the push, the in and the out, the on and the off, the dark and the light. The flow, the energy, the essence of being present in each moment. What a lovely dream and I get this feeling because it's already happening that my dreams are coming true, my dreams are manifesting as I write these words and a major part of my dream for life is here right now. I didn't think I would ever, ever get to a point of self-love and acceptance, a place where I alone valued what was important and right for me. I never thought I would live in peace or have peace of mind. I couldn't imagine joy unspeakable in my life. And the shear contentment in the midst of every moment was unfantomable, unlikely and never to be experience in my living days. There were times when I thought I would never stop courting thoughts of suicide, I just considered it a daily nutritional vitamin. I never thought that I would be with a good man and although I'm not there, it's clear to me that it is manifesting itself and not just because I want it but because I'm ready. I'm in a space of receivership, a space of allowing it to come to me. My cousin used to tell me that I was the lucky one, I never took that in, in fact I did my best to create a life that resulted in something otherwise. But I stand today bearing witness to this luck, I feel lucky to be in what the church folks would say, closed and in my right mind. I feel blessed, I feel whole, I feel deeply connected to the divine that dwells within and intertwined in all of humanity as an intregal part. It may be luck but the experience speaks to luck being a choice, the opportunity to choose the good, the chance to grab onto rightousness and the openness to accept what is rightfully your and God given.
I am perfect and I am whole and I am complete. I LOVE ME.