February 11, 2009 @ 8:15am

As God’s beloved, I am deeply comforted in knowing we can never be apart. If I find myself feeling poverty in any area of my experi­ence, I use this condition to rush back to God’s arms (www.scienceofmind.com).
Good Morning Life, Happy Wednesday and I feel fabulous. I had a good cry last night, it was extremely cathartic, it was a releasing of old pain and suffering. I've been really getting this current of energy that suggest that my life is changing for the good. I cried last night realizing that as happy as I am about the positive changes going on all around me, through me, in me and over me, I'm grieving the old, the old ways, the old events, the things that I thought had victory over my life. Instead what I know is that I have victory over my life, I have a sense of well being that I couldn't imagine not even for a moment. I grieved at the moments when I gave up on myself, when I let others determine who I was or the ways in which I allowed the external search for meaning, self value & worth block me from getting out of life what I rightfully deserved. It also became clear to me that a whole lot of stuff had happened over the years and what I failed then but don't do anymore is stick up for myself. I never did stick up for myself, I never did say I deserve better, I deserve more, I deserve to be treated with respect, I deserve compassion, I deserve love and I deserve to be me. I grieved those moments when I gave up on myself but how can you fight for yourself when you don't love yourself. I released the anger I had with others who violated me, who disrespected me, who didn't stick up for me, who didn't believe in me, who couldn't see my potential, who blamed me, who betrayed me and who for whatever reason treat me with the basic dignity that I deserve. But more than anything I grieved the part of me that didn't know better and I forgave myself for the mistakes I made. I was only doing the best I knew how to, I was only acting in a way that I understood. I look back and realize it is a shear miracle that I'm here, a miracle that I'm in a space of spiritual understanding, a place of new emotional growth, a place of loving myself for real and not just in meaningless words.
The pain was heavy, the feeling were dug from deep inside, I hadn't cried like that in a long time, I hadn't known that I needed to shed the tears, I wasn't aware of the amount of pain I had been carrying. Like a baby I balled my eyes out, double over the side of the bed I let tears flow, I released all suffering and I ushered through a stream of consciousness that replayed every moment of sorrow I had ever experienced in my life. It felt more like I was vomiting emotions, spitting them out and throwing them as far away from me as possible. I thought the rush of emotions would take hold of me and never let go but then just like all the other times, the sweet hand of the holy spirit surrounded my spirit with an energy of love and affection. I knew that I would be alright, I knew that my life would only change or the better. I suspect that whoever's back I was riding in my dream the night before, that person was God. The infinite divine energy had carried me through it all, God had held my hand and kept me from hurt, harm and danger. I kept thinking about that person in my dream the night before, whose back was I riding and why couldn't I see their face.
My eyes are puffy, nothing a little visine can't fix, my body is light and my mind is clear. It's a moment of awakening. I'm humbled, I'm brought into the moment with a clear sense of direction. I'm poised and ready for whatever may come. I am alright, I am actualizing my fullest potential and I am surrendering to all the goodness that spirit has for me. And for once in my life, I trust myself, I trust the energy of my spirit. I know what I want and I know what is right for me. I won't settle for what doesn't fit, there is no taking whatever, there is a knowing that what is rightfully mine shall be. I got this. It's taken four years to really, really heal from my past, I knew the journey was going to be long and I had no clear timetable but all feels like it's in divine order. There is no time but the moment, there is nothing more important than the feeling of being healed. I'm certain there is other work to be done but I'm just as certain that I am well on my way.
I am perfect and I am whole and I am compete. I LOVE ME!!!!