February 6, 2009 @ 6:50am

As God's beloved, I am inspired to listen to my lover in the silence. My meditation time is a space for us to communicate our deepest endearments and adorations without speaking. In the stillness, our intimacy thrives. Today's www.scienceofmind.com affirmation.
What a beautiful affirmation and it is full of texture and full of insight about what's important in a relationship. I know that more than anything in life, the goal is to allow our lovers to be who they are and to extend the hand of unconditional acceptance. This act is simple in it's form but it is awfully hard when we live in a world that has expectations of us from the moment we are born. We go about our days and people expect one thing or another and I'm guilty of it myself but this affirmation endeavors to remind me to be gentle, to be silent, to take time and to know that in the midst of silence there is work being done, there is love flowing from soul to soul, there is an understanding that is occurring, there is a grounding of the intimacy and there is nestled within the solar chakra, the inner deep knowing that one is being loved by another.
The truth is this, I keep having these thoughts, I keep thinking the worst and I keep trying to imagine what's going down before something happens. I feel this need to be in control and with each moment I discover that I am not in control at all, that in order for love to reach my solar chakra, I desperately need to let go and surrender completely. My daily challenge is to let go, to allow the universal energy to work it's magic for me. I keep asking myself this question, if God created the entire universe what makes me think for one minute that God can't handle my little earthling need or desire, as if financial prosperity is some challenging task for God, I suspect that asking God for anything I can think of humanly is like an itch, so easy you don't even think about it. So easy God doesn't even recall the request in the next moment, what a revelation. There was a play called your arms are too short to box with God, my imagination is too limited to compete with the abilities of God, the things that the universe can erect in matters of microseconds.
I want to feel a sense of defeat when I haven't even started down the road, when I haven't really laid a foundation, haven't cultivated the soil, haven't harvested anything, I'm quick fix kind of girl. I say I take things slow or want things to come slow but the truth is I want what I feel I need desperately, I want that super quick. Yet when it comes at the speed of light, I run from it, I get this feeling that it's not what I want because I didn't have to work for it. I need to make up my mind. No I need to send my mind on a vacation and let my heart do some work for a change because this mind of mine, well it gets me in trouble every time.
I feel inspired this morning, I feel encouraged to walk in silence and connect to the deeper meaning of life. Silence can seem slow or absent of work but it takes work to silence the mind. I'm realizing that it's me that I need to hold as the lover, be my own lover, be silent with me and embrace my intimate self at a deeper level. How can I expect to connect with another when I'm not even connecting with myself. Also, I've been thinking about my goals and I recognize that I've been resistant, another way in which I'm practicing the old habits of self sabotage. I deserve to live a good life, I can and will continue to live a good life and I deserve it. No it's mine without any expectations or regulations, it just is, all I have to do is open up and recieve. All I have to do is surrender to the truth of this life, all I have to do is nothing really, let the energy of love flow into, through and out of me. What's it going to be Charlotte?
I call myself Special Ed when it comes to spiritual enlightenment, at one moment I get it, the next I act as if I never got it. My mind wants to say but I don't have this and I don't have that and my heart says but we have everything we need. Also, surrendering is an act of trust, an act of knowing that all will be well and it is the ultimate act of being in the moment. It is the only way I'm going to live my best life or life the life that I deeply desire. I can do this, no I am doing this, I am in my moments, I am alive in the realm of vibrational love.
I am perfect and I am whole and I am complete. I LOVE ME.