February 22, 2009 @ 8:42am

As God’s beloved, I rejoice for all the opportunities I have to com­mune with my lover through holy, sacred prayer. www.scienceofmind.com affirmation.
I dreamt that I woke up and wrote some amazing morning page, what it was about has escaped me. What I am feeling this morning is a sense of calm and peace. I worked on some treasure mapping. There are no pictures because I have no magazines or at least the kind of magazines that I want to cut up. But on several different pieces of colored paper, I wrote in bold black letters my map, the reality of my existence, what I really wanted and where I am going. Already I am doubting some of the things, especially the part about being a spiritual leader and the successful formation of a community of like minded believers. Every fiber of my being is saying this is the path that I am pre-destined to take and it is a real stepping into a calling that I have had for many, many, many years. I'm not one hundred percent that I am ready but I get the feeling that I'm more ready than I think. Also, I had this talk with myself about making the time commitment, weekly gathering is huge and will require so much of my time to prep and attend and communicate with others who might call me during the week. It's okay I can do it. Something in me is speaking loudly about this endeavor and it's huge success and it's reward not only for this community and for myself.
The mapping revealed so many things especially in the job department. I've come to understand something about life and the Ann Arbor job market but I'm steadfast, I know that the holy spirit will assist in the transition into the perfect position for me. In the meantime I need to enjoy what I have, make the most of it and be-gift them the best possible me. Also, I was pretty clear about what I wanted in my next position which is good. I will only apply for positions that will give me this. It's taking a leap of faith to hold out for the type of position that I want. Nonetheless, I surrender it all to spirit and allow the inner workings of the universal energy to unfold and manifest the job that fits me as oppose to the job I try to fit in.
I wasn't so specific about my future lover and I see the glaring blank space that is present on the map in the love section. I'm resistant to this because I know that whatever I choose will manifest and I'm stuck with it. What an awful thing to say, stuck with. I must confess, as much as I want a relationship, I look back and see that for the most part I was a commitment phobe and always ready to see what was wrong with others and not accept my own imperfections. It is interesting to watch myself a few weeks ago wallow in the peaks of imaginary love, the prospect of loving another and the high of seeing someone without judgment. Now I'm in this middle ground of uncertainty and I can't find that spark I had just a few days ago and I know that it is me, my old habits resurrecting themselves. I whisper to myself that all is well and that I will be just fine. and slowly I return to that space of divine reflection. The place where I see another soul as the God that they are and I dream of being friends, lovers and partners.
Some highlights of the mapping revealed a desire to swim more, go roller blading, gardening and a return to the eye doctor for glasses. I wore glasses from the time I was in kindergarten until high school and I get the feeling I need glasses again. I have these headaches, I want to blame them on being hypertensive but that's not it, I think I need some corrective eye wear. I found a cute pair of glasses one day in a lecture hall, I guess I should of turned them in but for some reason they stayed with me and I still have them. I send delayed light and love that the person was able to get new glasses. Another highlight on my map was the completion of my degree at UDM. This was completely unsuspecting and came out of nowhere but it felt right. It has felt like the perfect plan, the one thing I've always wanted but couldn't accept as a possibility. Now I don't have to wonder how it will come to be, I simply relinquish it over to the divine spirit, let the universal force work it's magic, trust and believe it is so.
My motto this year is 2009 is mine, this is the year that I honor myself, that I give myself permission to dream, dream big and I accept all the goodness the holy spirit has for me. I receive it with open arms, an open heart and with an open mind. I move around as if it is already happening and stop full into my life, the life that I was always meant to be.
Finally, I'm excited about centering my mind, body and soul on spiritual truths, to really take this knowledge and make it a day to day practice. And practice it will be because practice makes perfect and I accept that I will need loads of practice, loads of patience with myself and time to witness the spiritual leaps that I will take over time.
I'm alright, I feel strong and I'm confident about my moments and potential of my future. I am humbled, honored, grateful for each time I take in air and feel God's presence.
I am perfect and I am whole and I am complete. I LOVE ME!