January 7, 2009 @ 6:57am

What a beautiful Wednesday and good life is running through me and is all around me. Today's affirmation from Science of Mind (www.scienceofmind.com): In this moment I know I am enough. I go within and commune with Spirit. All I need is right where I am.
It just keeps getting better and better and better every day, I had a day dream about running into a man that I have a severe crush on, the union was beautiful and peaceful and the desire to connect was mutual, so I hope my day dream comes true, no my day dream will come true, actually no, my day dream has already come true, thank you universal energy for bringing us together. I'm getting there, I'm learning to use the affirmative as oppose to begging, hoping, asking or conjoling.

I slept like a baby last night, I don't what happen but I feel on fire today, I feel renewed and primed to take on life. I feel rested, there is nothing like feeling rested because wen you feel exhausted and tired, life keeps your mind running in twenty different directions. Also, I picked a book from the library called the Hidden Spirituality of Men by Matthew Fox. I'm only a chapter into the book and my soul feels at ease, it's so much that it's an excuse for male behavior but more of an explanation. I think of all the wars and disharmony around the globe, most of that which is instigated by men. Fox suggest that what has happen over the ages is that men have been disconnected from their spirituality or in some instances it is merely suppressed. I've always said that men need to find a new definition or restructure the notion of manhood. As I read my deepest suspicions are revealed. We want men to be spiritual and we want them to protect us at the same time. We tend to not like men who are spiritually evolved, we find them weak. It's like women who prefer a thug over a good decent man, I've been there and I learned the hard way that I'd feel safer with a good man than a thug, well at least emotionally and physically. I've had my philosophy about men and I've had my impatience with their maleness in action but this book has resurrected my compassion for them. I often say that I don't look for books, books find me, this book found me because as I open my heart and soul and mind and body to a man for companionship, for partnership and for love, this book will allow me to see him beyond his exterior or extroverted actions, I can see the human who is just like me buy in a different shell and conditioned a different way. It's a breathe of fresh air, the contents of this book and a path to enlightenment for me.
I don't remember what I dreamed of last night but I can tell they were good dreams because when my dreams are not to good, I awake with an uneasy feeling. I'm glad I have this energy because today I need to straighten out some loose ends, I've got plenty of unfinished business to tend to and today is the day to start completing all of that stuff and getting on with my life. My mind has traversed so many thoughts over the last few days, meditation is one of the only places that I find comfort from thoughts.
I've been watching Oprah's best life series this week and it's been good, it has included several reminders about the things that I need to do with my life. This re-prioritizing my life is a challenge but one I am up for and able to put into action. Actually, the last few days have been about adjusting to the idea of taking care of myself, honoring what I want to do and making a commitment to ensuring that my needs are met first. For so many years I have taken care of others and it feels odd, even strange to center back all of my energy and thoughts on me, it's 180 degrees and although I didn't expect so much commotion inside of myself, there is and it's okay, I like it when I decide to not eat any of the sugar goodies in the baskets at work. I like when I drink water, plenty of water all day long, I like it when I look up healthy recipes, I like it when I eat fruit all day long, it sustains me and it keeps my spirit energized enough to take the next step, to think about the next good thing I need to do for myself. I've decided to spend the next week or so on eating, getting a good eating plan going because I can run, exercise until the sun sets but if I don't eat right, it all goes to waste. Well not waste but I get no weight loss benefit when I eat haphazardly. Also, that question yesterday about what I'm hungry for, I'm hungry for health, wellness, peace of mind, joy and spiritual enlightenment. I get the feeling that as I feed those parts of myself, I will open myself up to a new lover, a new friend and a new way of life.
The affirmation is so profound in that it states that I have everything I need right now and if that is so I don't need to worry, I don't need to wreck my brain and I don't need to want or hunger for anything. So profound and yet so simple, I've always had this feeling that enlightenment was easy to understand but because of our conditioning hard to enact. I feel alive this morning, just awake and open and alert and ready and blessed with breath in my lungs, the palpitation of my heart and movement of brain cells instructing this nearly 42 year old body to be. I have everything I need right now, I know that there are infinite possibilities for my life and all I have to do is choose one. I miss science in my life, I'm not sure where I will go, what direction my life will take but I can and will be all that I want to be. All that I am. I am also making a commitment to decreasing my screen time at work, to spend more timeon engaging in actions, also I am taking two to three walks per day and using the bathroom more regularly, I can go a whole day without using the bathroom and it's the thing that drives my blood pressure up and gives me a headache. Here we are at this moment when I know exactly what I need to do, when I know that I have what I need to make my life better. The truth is I'm ready to live my best life. I'm ready to be Christ-like, to live my life with LOVE. I am perfect, I am whole and I am complete. I LOVE ME.