January 5, 2009 @ 9:35am

Today's Affirmation: In this moment, I open my life to Spirit. I dedicate all I do and all I say to the one that gave me life. I celebrate our oneness.
It's Monday and I'm struggling again, this constant unknowing is starting to stress me out or at least make me feel uneasy but I 'm confident things will work out. I've put the book Blackwater away for a moment and started reading some fiction and it's really good, a book by Sigrid Nunez called The Last of Her Kind. I love the revisionist interpretation of history, at least during the part about 1970's and the perspective from which it is written is very interesting as well. Plus just reading it has inspired me to write more and more. The morning pages are coming late this morning but I'm hear because I need to always let my voice vent for a while. And it's the way I remind my spirit that I too can write. As I consider the idea of writing or writing as a way of life I get a bit nervous but with each day I grow in confidence and I grow in understanding of what this life will be like. I'm also very excited about stillness in my life, I'm excited about the elimination of busyness and I'm optimistic about the clarity that comes with honoring the truth of one's life. I'm enjoying Jeremiah, his growth and his figuring out what he will do with his life.
The sun is out today and this assist in my upbeat mood. I applied for some jobs today and already I know they're not what I want, I know what I want and the writing is what I want to take up energy in my life. I know that the economy is whatever it is but I'm so confident in the universal energy of the divine and understand that I'm just fine and all is well and all will work out. Balance, how to obtain or maintain balance. I think it's time for me to start going to the gym after work again, it works for me and I enjoy that time alone in the gym without a whole bunch of people but the truth is people can't deter me from eating healthy and taking care of myself. I'm looking forward to becoming a full-time writer. I was reading about a writer and she indicated that she works full-time during the day and writes full-time at night, that's her life, I can dig it. I feel inspired by this and I know that life is what you make it. I'm making a recommitment to my current job and taking things one day at a time.
I really have this opportunity to do more and learn more, I have this chance to make a difference but my concern is that I will put more time and energy into everything else except me. I know that sometimes the very thing you're looking for is right in front of your face, I know the pros of taking these classes and learning a new skill will only enhance my life and provide me with the chance to work in a field that will use my science/mathematical/computer skills and alternately I can spend the rest of my time writing. The writing thing is mine, the writing is always for me to embrace and all I have to do is be in the moment, take the gift and allow the blessings to come forth. I know that at times I feel mentally, physically and spiritually tired but 2009 is mine, it's the time I get to do everything my heart desires, I get to honor the truth about me, about the things that I endeavor to do and I get to explore another side of me that hasn't been fully developed and I get to embrace a life of financial prosperity and life fulfillment. I'm not sure where I'm going but I'm going to get there and I trust myself to execute my plan, I trust myself to keep my spirits high and I trust myself to stay on the path of truth and I trust that God is co-creating goodness for my life. I know my own power, I've been here before, I know that when I put my mind to it, anything is possible. Also, if I know anything irregardless of what happens, a way will be made for me so the goal is to be steadfast and focused and committed to my vision. I can turn around any situation even the one's I'm in at present. I keep searching outside of myself for answers, the truth is this there are no answers outside of me, I have all the answers, my only job is to listen, is to take the time and the energy to open my heart and ears. Okay, I hear myself and I need some aroma for the house, I will acquire a computer for my writing only, the other stuff will come later. It will come sooner than I think but my birthday gift to me is a computer to write and not other things. I'm proud of me for hanging in there for figuring it all out and for doing what is best for me. It feels good and it feels right.
I am perfect, I am whole and I am complete. I LOVE ME!