January 16, 2009 @ 5:02am

Good Morning Life! It's the old infamous Friday, another tail end of a week in which everyone gets excited about and honestly I can't understand why because it feels like any other day plus I'm too interested in living my life for satisfaction on certain days, I would love the feeling of satisfaction everyday but then again that's just me. Today feels ripe in possibilities and I'm getting better in each moment. I keep imagining what it will be like to be in an interview, job interview for field organizing positions, something I haven't done in a short while and it has allowed me to reflect back on that time when all I wanted to do was save the world. a time when I was full of energetic optimism and an un-quenching thirst for social justice. I'm still thirsty for social justice for all humanity, I'm still secretly interested in saving the entire world and I won't replace optimism with pragmatic ideology, well not exactly, I continue to hold out on th innate ability of human kind to do good. I hopeful that we will finally once and for all, put the notion of war behind us, that we will look at people without sizing them up based on their outer shell, that we will smile a little more and where money won't be a guiding force.
Today's affirmation from www.scienceofmind.com: In this moment, I pause and know I am here for a purpose. This purpose is moving into my life, and it fills me with passion, joy, enthusiasm, excitement, and power. this is what activism meant to me, it gave me purpose, it was my life, the life I had always dreamt about, it was the way I shouldered my human responsibility and how I created the type of world that everyone could live in. I can't help but be a little cautious about all the excitement around President-Elect Obama. I'm glad to see this happening and yet, it feels as if perhaps people are caught up in the minutia and not prepared to take on the responsibility of what it means to live in a land of democracy. He feels almost like a movie star and yet what the world needs is collective leadership, the type of consciousness of personal responsibility. The days are long gone and have been gone for depending on a single individual for guidance. I want people to think, I want people to feel, I want people to act (not dramatically), I want people to engage and I want people to love. Of course, I'm exuberant about having an African American president, it's nice after a life of fatherlessness and no sincere or healthy or supportive male affection, it feels apropo to look to this man as an example of black manhood and this quiets my frenzy for whatever it is I've been searching for from a black man. I'm hopeful about a loving and long-term partnership with a man.
There is so much going on right now and my goal is to look on with quiet resignation. I'm excited but don't need to loose myself in it, don't need to celebrate as if this is all there is. I'm feeling more like a Buddhist in that every moment is just that, nothing to be overly excited about and nothing to be overly angry about, I'm just interested in being. Being in the moment, witnessing the splendor of life, of nature of community or the inter-connective energy of love that flows between all of us, it's refreshing to smile, greet and be patient with others. It is delightful to treat myself with kindness, compassion and tenderness. I was given a diagnosis of high blood pressure but I see that my former lifestyle not only instigated the higher blood pressure, it was the primary reason why my pressure was high and stayed high. I've never felt better than I do right now at this moment and it's without high blood pressure medicine. I can tell that by simply living easier, eating healthier, moving my body on a regular basis, there is an equilibrium my physical self is returning to and I feel healthy. That's not to say that i won't seek medical attention if things change but for now I feel good.
When I was 16 or so, I was told by an English teacher that I was a good writer, so good of a writer, she encouraged me to apply to Brown University. I had no idea what she was talking about and there was no way I would get into college because I had missed an entire semester of school. I was pregnant and would give birth to a baby boy that would be relinquished for adoption. Relinquished for adoption was the way I told people about this event, as if the big words somehow excused me from my sinful sexual behavior, it was more a language to keep me distant from the reality of what I had done. And with the baby safely tucked into the arms of a family who would love him, I could focus on repairing my life. But when I went home to tell my mother that I would be a writer, she let me know that I would never ever make any money writing and that what I ought to do is get a job at the post office or a good governmental job. I was crushed, I was devastated and it wouldn't be the last time my mother said words taht would have an adverse affect on me. I thought about this only because as I began to create a life as a writer, I have to realize that this incident was 26 years ago which translate in a quarter of a century of resurecting the one thing that I've always wanted to do. I did occasional writing here and there but I allowed those words to haunt me and I put down the pen. Truth be told, the words are still there but now I just honor them for what they were, ignorance. My mother had no idea that people could make money writing, she had no conception of a black woman making money as a writer. It's funny when Alice Walker came out with her books, I'm sure my mother was taken aback. As I relinquish for adoption her words, I pull the pieces of my writerly self together. As they say, when you know better, you do better. This brings me back to Obama and my plea to the American people, we know better and I think it's fine time for us to do better. Let's take back our power, let's be the leadership of this country knowing that our president, this president probably will listen more so than the last 43. It's our time as a national community to write our own history, to relinquish the old ideas of citizenship and resurect the conscious act of civic participation.
I'm excited to be alive, I'm excited about writing, I'm excited about living my life for me, I'm excited about an employment change, I'm excited about Obama, I'm excited about humanity, I'm excited about restoring the earth to a more balanced & natural state and I'm super excited about LOVE. I realize i don't owe anyone anything but I owe it to myself to live my best life, to feel calm, feel peace, feel love and feel the magnificence of being.
I am perfect and I am whole and I am complete. I LOVE ME.