January 15, 2009 @ 5:30am

Today, I step into my power. I create the life I desire. I move from dreamer to doer, and I see my life transformed. Wow, the affirmation from www.scienceofmind.com is all about action and I love it. This notion of stepping, walking, leaning, moving, sliding, scooting into one's power is the type of self-empowerment that I'm interested in. I equate this idea to stepping out on faith and knowing the universe, God force or whatever will support and assist in the direction I am taking in my life. And then there is the word power, I've often struggled with this word in terms of it's external properties but perhaps the notion of power is something that can only be enacted with the self and not some controlling feature enacted on people, places and things outside of the self. I say this because despite all that has happened to me, I can't really blame anyone but myself. Yeah, I would like to say that others have had control over me but if I look deep and survey the pit of honesty, I ressurect the knowledge that for the most part, I let people, places and things over-power me or control my actions or my thoughts or whatever. The choice to turn over control to another was my way of not taking responsibility, my way of being lazy, my way of trying to control or my way of putting my livelihood in the hands of another. It is this self power that I tetter in and out of because I'm too busy trying to please other people. It's not easy taking one's power back because old habits die hard, not really but the saying resonates with me. Actually, to take back one's power is to gently and assertively remind oneself that the control is in one's hand. As I move closer to , no as I step into my power, no I've already stepped into my power and I'm at a standstill, reflecting back on everything that has happened and it's the freedom that feels completely wonderful and new. To take care of myself is the most liberation act, to follow my dreams is just as liberating but I will say this, this is a time of unrest as well. The old voices, the negativity, the past ghost all seem to come and visit with regularity as if to say that this freedom really isn't mine. I thank them for the reminder and I put them away, giving them permission to rest and take a vacation. All of that served a purpose in my life once upon a time but no more. It's almost like being on a diving board at the local swimming pool, the board is lightly bouncing up and down and you still have a few more steps before you need to jump off. I think the jumping off part is more equivalent to stepping into one's power because I get the sense that I'm free falling and I don't really know the direction. The challenge with starting something new is that you don't know for sure the direction, you know the desired direction but life is full of infinite possibilities. But what i do know is this and it has always been true for me, as long as I make choices to act in ways to bring me closer to my dreams, I get there and it may not look like I thought, actually in most instances it's more magnificient than I ever imagined. I'm free falling and loving every minute of it.
Moving my life from dreamer to doer. This is the part that spoke specifically to my soul because I'm the worlds biggest dreamer, I dream day and night, I make up stuff in each moment, I try to imagine things all the time and I spend an absorbent amount of time doing it. If only I could paid for dreaming, I'd be super wealthy and I'd have a Ph.D in it as well. But the doer, I recognize that I spend so much time dreaming that when I began to do, I start to dream about the outcome. This is why I think that I'm spiritually special-ed, it feels like a case of ADD in terms of action but silly thing is this, in terms of doing for others, I'm doing and doing and doing and never once do I stop to think about what the future may hold. This is also the same reason why I say to myself, if you can do all this for employers, within your volunteering, for people you are trying to please, imagine what you might accomplish if you used that energy for yourself, doing the things that you like to do. And the light bulb just went off, the opportune word is imagine, that's what day dreaming is all about imagining. I imagine what could be accomplished toward my own personal goals but I don't actually do anything or very little. Nonetheless, I think I'm real close to being correct about this, I've just got to focus on what's most important which is the acts or the process or the stuff that I will do on the way toward my personal goals. I spend so much time on outcome that I forget to enjoy the process and the truth is this, I've never allowed myself to enjoy process, it's all about getting it done, so that I can get a pat on the head or be considered worthy of my job, or friendship or comradarie with other progressive activist. I've been doing in this zone where I don't think about it at all because the truth is that I don't want to be doing those things, so I figure out how to check out while doing the stuff, I keep my mind focused on the finished line because I can't imagine anything remotely interesting about the journey. And that is the mind set I'm working with right now, I keep procrastinating because the only way I know to do is when I know I have to get it done and in doing so I do with my mind, heart and soul closed with complete focus on the completion. What a way to live and I wonder why I haven't really lived my life, I've been doing but within an unconscious framework and now I'm like a newborn baby learning how to do with consciousness and with intention and with self purpose and with an enjoyment for how it will unfold because that's what it means to be in the moment.
I never for one moment thought I would be here right now and with these words. the revelation of discovering who I am. This honesty that I haven't given myself for a long while. I'm a doer and I say this all the time and it's true but when I look back, I can't really tell you what I did because I just went into high-drive action mode with the end in mind and did whatever it was that I needed to do. This might be why things that take a longer time to process, wear me out because keeping your eye on the prize for too long is not enough to sustain. I never celebrated the small victories and when I didn't accomplish what I set out to do, I always felt defeated. And instead of looking back on the process, I'd find twenty other things to occupy my mind and hands because that's what doers do. I'm at these crossroads as I leap into my power where I don't know what to do and divine voice keeps telling me that everything is okay but of course my response is, but I'm not doing anything and God being the loving spirit says but you are and for the life of me I can't understand. Today I understand a little more, today I get that I'm changing and that changing is about not doing for the sake of doing but doing in full consciousness and enjoying the process. I've never looked at what happens for me, to me, with me, for me, around me when I am engaged in doing. What I have noticed the last few days is that I walk slower, I take deeper breaths, I see the God in others more, I'm thankful for everything in my life, I write everyday, I take care of myself, I enjoy the winter (this is true miracle), I love my kids and who they are, I appreciate my mother and father, I'm proud of my sister, I pray for my brother, I I honor life, I take my time, I go with the flow, I let go of things that aren't necessary in my life right now, I'm forgiving of myself, I'm open to love, I'm alright, I'm smiling more, I'm one with spirit, I'm doing with consciousness and enjoying each moment of progress.
I am perfect and I am whole and I am complete. I LOVE ME.