A memory with my future lover

It's this sense of peace and calm and satisfaction and safety, all of which come over me, wash me anew and it's effortless. I sit on the porch and look out on the sun, as it makes it's grand appearance for this particular day. I lean back and a slight turn allows me to see his back. He is standing at the sink. His moves are like a simple flow and I reflect on how we got here. I try to remember the precise moment when I unshackled my soul from the chaos of every day living. This moment is pivotal because it is the primary reason why I am sitting here today. It's the end of a life full of self deprecation and the blossoming of a life full of self actualization.

I smile at him when he notices my stare and his return smile says it all. I gaze back at the wonder of a sky full of the unknown while appreciating the little known I have. He eases up beside me, leans over and kisses my neck. This is heaven. Each kiss is more pronounced, more sensual and more provocative. I know we will end up in each others arms sweaty from sexual passion. But it is when he kisses my lips, that's when I feel that current of electricity radiate throughout my body. This is when I swear I can levitate, perhaps walk on water or fly.

Over four years of this intense intimacy. I have wondered how I lucked on him, this and me. I was a commitment phobe with a deeply rooted paranoia. I had been abandoned way too many times or so I thought. I never people get too close, I kept souls at a distance, that of a football field. There was no joy in being alone but there was comfort when I graduated from loneliness to being alone because there is a difference. Enough of a difference to allow me to fall into the arms of a loving man, one whose simple living is the answer to my soul's longing.

I stroke his back when he sits next to me. I think of him when we are apart but never in a desperation but in confidence that when I return he will be there. We move in stride like an upbeat classical musical or perhaps theatrical music. Our lives intertwine without the choke of entanglement. We pay attention to ourselves, we pay attention to the way the other one enlivens each moment. I can't help but enter the quiet of the moment, I can't help but surrender to the joy of our interaction and I can't help but breathe. With each breathe, I come alive as if resurrected from the dead. I had not known how dead I was until know. I had not given in to the essence of my life force until now and it feels good, much like excstacy.

We part from one another without words. It's a silent gesture woven within the embrace and tender kisses. It is the lingering of our hands until our finger tips fall from inevitable end of our touching. It is the way I turn my back to him and his back to me yet I know that it is not a turn, nor a back or an away. It is temporary, unwanted yet smoldered with a knowing of time's necessary demand.

I jump into my truck and head to work, I can see him entering his car and just before I place my foot on the gas, his wave is haphazard but not from neglect but from something inside the both of us. The way in which we realize that our souls will never truly part, it's just an illusion and we play the role with the actions in support.

I am perfect and I am whole and I am complete. I LOVE ME!