Simply Easter Sunday Reflections

I thought I would write about war, poverty, politics and other heavy subject matter but instead I'll just give reflections on Easter Sunday. For the first eighteen years of my life, Easter was a huge deal in my family, we took pictures, bought new clothes, shoes, received baskets full of goodies and of course we had to memorize our speeches for church. Even as a small child I was suspect of all the attention being given to this day but I let my mental wondering bask in the action of eating some of the best milk chocolate I would encounter all year. Along with the jelly beans which is still one of my favorite candies, I never really cared for getting dressed up and the speeches were over the top and repetitive in their message about Jesus dying on the cross. But when in Rome do as the Romans do and my mother seemed especially proud to be able to purchase our new clothes and provide us with extremely large Easter baskets. For a single parent , she provided for us like she had the income of a two parent home. Some of my friends who had two parents didn't receive as nice of clothing or nearly the size basket of candy. I recognize now my mothers need to compensate or somehow give us everything so that we didn't want for or sense any lack. And for the most part we were oblivious to want on this day and we expressed our happiness for everything to our Mother and this made her proud.
Easter will always be the second holiday that caused me to pause and question the materialism that comes about during this time. First is Christmas, I have always wondered about it which I suspect I will reflect on in December or earlier knowing me. But for so long, I couldn't quite grasp the spiritual meaning of Easter. It seemed for so long like a funeral, the day we dressed up to celebrate Jesus dying and although he rose from the dead, Jesus was still missing. Jesus was simply spotted by a few people who witnessed his ascension, kind of like when only certain people see Santa Claus and I mean no disrespect with the comparison but as a kid, these simple explanations seem somewhat inconsistent and confusing. And I could sense the tremendous amount of gratitude the people at church had for this gift Jesus bestowed on mankind but it lacked any concrete or tangible meaning. I just felt that since Jesus died on the cross for our sins, now we can do anything we want. Now we can act devilish during the week and repent on Sunday and still go to heaven. I felt as if the responsibility of my life was taken over by Jesus and that Jesus would continue to do whatever Jesus does to ensure that I went to heaven. For the message was Jesus paid the price for my soul and now I was free.
I love Gospel music, I love the texture, the actual musicianship of many songs with great melody, instrumental combination as well as the deeply profound voices that sing the words with meaning beyond anything you hear on a radio. Easter has so many gospel songs, the idea of Jesus dying on the cross comes up time and time again. It's a frequent expression in music and yet it reeks with mystery and misunderstanding, or at least it did for me for a long time. Between the birth of Jesus and his death, that was Christianity in a nutshell. And I got older the music that once filled me was now starting to gnaw at me because in my determination to have more understanding, some of the songs began to feel somewhat contradictory, somewhat vague in their message or at best just too simplified when what I needed from a song was clarity. And the thing about music, which I feel is true for most but most people won't admit it, I went to church to listen to the music and not the sermon. They now call it a music ministry but there was always a music ministry, for a long time even during slavery days, people used song to preach a message, to provide understanding about God's grace. Preachers used song to explain most things, so it stands to reason that music was a central part of church and the primary attractor to a particular church. It's funny to hear people ask, does the church have a good choir?
I have a confession to make, I could count on one hand and still have a majority of fingers left over, the number of times I have attended any church on Easter. I don't go on this day, for a long time I was frustrated with the shear number of newcomers who would show up on Easter with their designer clothes, only to never return. I thought that Easter was fake and included a whole bunch of fake people coming to church for the sake of showing off. It disgusted me but I was the only one and so as an adult I don't go although I am often invited way too many times. I realize now my frustration was premature and unnecessary, what I would discover is that most people encourage this behavior and people excuse those who show up on Easter, knowing full well they may never return. It's socially acceptable to creep into church with a new outfit on Easter Sunday and everyone is glad to see you, so my angst with the situation is for the most unfounded yet I still feel as if this arrangement is a disservice to spiritual growth and understanding.
I feel my reflections are so negative and that's not what I'm really trying to convey. What I really want to say is that this is one of my favorite times of year, when the sun glows regularly, the ground is being prepped for gardening and being out doors is the central part of my day. I guess the journey away from church is the real story I need to explore before reflecting on Easter because this day is a by product of my overall spiritual evolution. In essence, I don't attend church and have no real desire to be a part of a religious group. I used to attend meditation on a regular basis but found that too religious. Honestly, I wish I could attend something on a regular basis where people were open, honest, with their guards down, vulnerable and truly wanting a connection with spirit. I was at a small gathering the other day and things were going well when one person launched a negative remark and within seconds, the group engaged this behavior and started to throw mean spirited statements back and forth. I just watched as this unfolded and the nastiness that took over the way these people interacted. But there is this point when everyone discovers what is going on and instead of making amends, a nervous type of laughter ensues and a short span of quiet comes about, followed by surface small talk. I'm not a huge fan of small talk, I can do it but it wears on me and I just want to tap my mouth close because I know in time I will say something way too profound for most people to hear or even think is appropriate at the time. Why isn't self love appropriate conversation? So back to the party, I left with a weirdness not understanding why things went the way they did and why i couldn't intervene with something more positive but I've stopped feeling the need to change people. What I did walk away with is a sense that these people had lots of unspoken feelings about each other, feelings that rear their heads once they have a drink in their bodies and an excuse to say what they think is what they really want to say, only to discover that what they choose to say doesn't really make them feel better at all and makes the other person feel awful.
There has to be some joy in Easter but every time I write, it ends in something not so joyful. I think I feel sad on this day and not because of Jesus but because as humans, we don't get the bigger meaning of this day which for me is about how short life is. How important it is to enjoy each moment and how those moments don't need to be centered around dress up clothes, candy, big hats, elaborate dinners or speeches with no meaning. What I wished people did on Easter is spent time with each other, laughed, played, prayed, tell stories about their lives, go to the park, plant a tree, go to the botanical garden, ride their bikes, pull weeds, something that brings the spirits of human beings together and passed this surface way of living that we have become accustomed too. Jesus rose from the dead to teach us that there is something else after this physical life but at the same time, Jesus made himself visible to remind us that this life is equally just as important and to find the joy in living, find the joy in each other and to use the gifts from God to create a more peaceful, a more loving, a more vibrant reality.
What I witness more and more from people is this walking away from interactions that bring people joy. It's almost as if being in an interaction where things are miserable is the appropriate way to live. I've never been a fan of misery although I almost caught the bug in my late twenties and thirties but luckily I recovered. Why there is this social contract bent on misery I'll never know but I can't do it any more. I want to ascend much in the way Jesus did, I want to rise above the madness and experience the wonderment of love, peace and joy. I endeavor to be more Christ-like and for that I might have to pay a price of connectedness with others because when you're centered on living in truth, people think you're part of some crazy religion which seems odd because I don't subscribe to any religion just an internal urge to be in touch with my spiritual side. What I have learned from Jesus is to love unconditionally, to be who one is in the world, to not feel one way or the other about what people think or feel and to be the light of good in the world, that's my plan, that's my choice and there are moments I feel lonely but then I remember how magnificently wonderful my life feels and I wouldn't trade it in for the opposite.
I'll cook a simple meal today, play cards with my son, we'll go to the movies because the theaters will be mostly empty and I'll read several books and write. It's not a fancy life but it's mine, it's free of drama and full of living. I know all is well and will continue to be well and I know that everything is in divine order. Thank you Jesus for showing us how to live, for being in your moments and bearing a visual witness to the truth of our living. The truth is that no one can kill your soul, even in death we live on and it is not necessary for us to fear death or fear being killed, it's our only work to live as full a life as possible, a meaningful life, to allow our souls to sour to higher heights and experience for ourselves nirvana, the presence of pure love. I am pure love and love is all around me and love is all there is.
I am perfect and I am whole and I am complete. I LOVE ME!