March 3, 2003 @ 6:40am

Today's affirmation: The gifts of the Spirit spill out through me daily as peace, joy, wisdom, intelligence, healing, and love. I know something about my spirituality, and I long to know more. Therefore, I am completely attuned to inner instruction (www.scienceofmind.com).
Inner instruction sounds like that hunch you have or that intuit feeling or that hint you get but you don't want to listen or what people refer to as your first. In all the ways in which my inner instruction has bads news, I'm finding that it has good news as well or just news that is smart, right or essential.
I woke up this morning truly inspired, I was sensing something throughout yesterday and instead of moving toward negative thoughts or actions, I made an effort to do something positive. I called about getting a community garden plot which was a wonderful blessing because I learned there were new plots and one really close to where I live. Also, I came across a podcast on Oprah with a woman named Kelly Freston who spoke about conscious eating. It's so in alignment with what I've been going through lately which has been a disconnection to food. My disconnection to food has been so intense, I don't want to eat because nothing satisfies me.
I recognized yesterday this feeling of disconnect to food as something that I've been up against many times before. Either I feel this intense need to not eat meat and each time I say I'll never eat meat again but then I find myself eating it again. Or those days when I'm hungry know I need something to nourish my body and I can't think of a single food that I really want or at least not any of the processed food that is lying around my house in cabinets or the refrigerator. I went to this seminar a few years ago which entailed being put under hypnosis, this kind of subconscious subliminal message of eating foods that nourish the mind, body and soul. Also, I recall last fall when a co-worker brought a piece of vegetable from her garden, I just wrapped my lips around it and ate it. It was simply divine, it was as if I hadn't known that food could taste like that. It was raw, tasty and I felt as if I had given my body the ultimate gift but clearly it gave joy to my mind and soul because that moments comes to me, time and time again. I realized in that instant that I would garden, I would grow my own food.
What most stands out about this decision is the way it's the choice I am making to respond to a situation that has me a bit unsettled. The way in which I would have normally done something self destructive or worse but instead I make this choice to honor myself with something good and wonderful. This is when I sense the forward movement or the expansion I am making with myself, with my commitment with myself and the honoring of the divine within. I like the feeling of taking care of myself well when I sense that those around me are not as committed to doing the same.
The thing about my first mind, it tends to be right but I have this need to see people in the most holiest of lights, to see what is good about them and although I may experience their disconnection from what is good inside of them, I refuse to let go of what I know is the truth and the truth is that there is something perfect, whole and complete. I see the God in them and step to the side honoring that life is a series of choices. Some people will choose to not live up to their fullest potential in some or all situations or in situations that deal with me. I bless them anyway, I send positive energy and keep them in the center of my prayer. I keep myself in the center of my prayer as well, knowing that nothing outside of me defines who I am. I'm excited about this cleansing eating plan, this return to raw fruits and vegetables. I hereby make a twenty-one day commitment. Actually I envision spending the rest of my days eating this way, I envision the way it will make my body feel better and I can see how excess weight will be eliminated and my running speed will increase. I've got my eye on the Detroit marathon this year, I've got my eye on me this year and it feels delightful.
Last but not least, I had a full on inspiration to write about the way I expanded what I learned from my pentecostal upbringing into the spirituality that I embrace for myself in this moment. It has been a journey and a very healing journey. I used to want to erase the pentecostalism and I recognize the good points, the amazing truth that came at moments and the ways in which deeper spiritual understanding will open up souls and provide them with the relief and the precious truth about God. I get the feeling that the words will flow, the words will come to me in unexpected but perfect ways. I realize that spending time on things I can't control is really a waste of time and although I may get stuck for a moment, I'm proud of the way in which I pull myself together and re-focus on what's important for me.
I am perfect and I am whole and I am complete. I LOVE ME!!!