February 20, 2009 @ 8:17am

Good morning life and what a beautiful friday it is. It looks as if the clouds will part and allow the sun to have some stage time, I'm most appreciative to the clouds for their wonderous gift. It's a morning full of cheer and wonder and I suspect I will learn some things about myself today.
I'm still reeling in the aftermath of listening to Moira Foxe's spiritual teachings, I can't help but enjoy her presentation, her enthusiasm, her wit and most of all, the ways in which she speaks about spititual truths with the type of conviction I see in ministers of the holiness church. It's the way she builds up to the high point of simplicity and truth, it is equivalent to experiencing God, the palpitation of the heart or the filling up of the lungs and I feel transformed. I feel humbled to have stumbled upon a teacher with so much clarity and the type of translation that I connect to.
In several of her talks, I want to call them sermons but they are more than that and a term befitting to the genuis of what she presents, well the word to describe it is beyond my vocabulary at this time. However, she spoke about relationships, the intimate kind and she reminded me that relationships are not the place to get your unmet needs. It is not a place for one to meet someone's else's needs. A relationship is a place to be inspired to be the best person one can be without demanding the unrealistic from another soul. My initial reaction was a sense of loss, a sense of not wanting a relationship then if it won't meet my needs but then she went on to say that the reason why you can't have those expectations is because they will never get met. And then we walk around wondering why couples break up time and time again. It reminds me of something Michael Beckwith said about Hollywood's subliminal hypnosis of the masses with these unrealistic love stories, full of drama yet in the end everything works out. But we all know that the movies is just that, a movie yet we desire the drama in our lives, I'm guilty of this as well.
Alternately, as I began to embrace Foxe's words, I began to consider this with my spiritual eye, I began to imagine what it would be like to just be myself in a relationship. I try to fantasize about an interaction void of drama and expectations and pain. I see how important it will be for me to just be in the moment, to be in the silence of the experience and acknowledge the God in ourselves while acknowledging the God in the potential soul mate. I can see where it can really good when I come to the table in the truth of being, in my completeness, my wholeness, my perfection. To not be dependent, to not want and want and want or give and give and give with certain expectations. I love how she explains that for those that come to the table whole and loving themselves, then it will be easy to love. I'm watching the RuPaul drag race show these days and at the end she says, if you don't love yourself, how in the hell you expect somebody else to. It's a powerful statement cloaked in that drag queen wit and it's provocative, it's inspiring.
The truth is with each word that comes to me from Foxe, I can't help but get honest with myself, I can't help but recall the moments, the places, the things and the ways in which I am not fully loving myself. Yet, I'm further along than I have ever been and I feel fantatstic. I say to myself I don't know how to come to the table of relationships without expectation and yet I'm already engaged in the act, I'm already moving without expectations. I'm understanding that the only thing I control is Charlotte and the goal for me is to control my thoughts, so that I can influence the way I'm experiencing life.
I do know that my partner is present and our relationship is enfolding although I have no idea who it is but I am ready, I am present and I am knowing that my immediate future entails the beginning of a long term partnership. It's an exciting time, I've decided to not think about the how, I let the divine spirit work that out, my time is spent being open, being in the moment and being receptive. It's a beautiful morning, a beautiful life and a beautiful sunny moment.
I am perfect and I am whole and I am complete. I LOVE ME.