The word octomom irritates me just as much as when the media started calling people in New Orleans after the Katrina storm, all of whom were American citizens, refugees. This is not a rant about the media's need to brand everything although that's a good subject to tackle one day. No, I'm writing in defense of Nadya Suleman, the so-called octomom and the way the general population began their surprise attack on her because she made a choice to have eight babies.
Let's start from the beginning, America is obsessed with anti-aging and as such women are choosing to have children at a later age, the only problem is that it doesn't always work out that way. The older a woman gets, the less available are her eggs and aged eggs are not always viable eggs, at least not for bringing into being a healthy child. However, considerable amount of research and development has occurred so that these women can have children when they want because having babies is important. Important for middle class older women.
Then of course there are the Christians who are anti-abortionist and demand that lower to working class women have the babies when they accidentally become pregnant. I t doesn't matter that they can't afford to have the child, it doesn't matter how hard it might be to give up your child once you've birthed it and it doesn't matter that the father of the child might not ever do anything in support of the child, all of that stuff doesn't matter. What matters is that in the eyes of loving Christians is that abortion is a form of killing and it's wrong. But why isn't wrong when men force women to have sex with them, what's the real penalty for that and what's wrong with sexist notions that dictate that women are to be damn-near "sex slaves" within their marriages, what's wrong with using contraception (this is aimed at the Catholics mostly but there are some other religions that don't condone the use of birth control), what's wrong with women having say so over what happens with their bodies, what's wrong with a society's hypocrisy. Because both reproductive research and anti-abortion are highly visible influences in our culture, I was surprised to discover the way people were reacting to octomom whose name, by the way is Nadya Denise Suleman.
The very first thing I found offensive with regards of the critiques of Ms. Suleman were the voices of men because as far as I am concern, men have no voice on this issue, I'm sorry but that's where I draw the line. And it's not so much that I couldn't hear from men but it was the shear testosterone driven self absorbed kind of opinion that felt shallow and lacked any consideration for the plight of a woman. Opinions like she's crazy which is such an easy conclusion to draw if you're a man because men don't hardly understand what it is really like to not only carry around the unborn fetus for several months, most men don't really actively engage in the child rearing process, so a male who says she is crazy is mostly lazy and self absorbed. Next came all the people who felt she was putting a strain on the welfare system, let me report to the masses, people of color do not put a strain on the welfare system because over 70% of welfare recipients are white and one economist said that if people of color were the only ones on welfare, it would be a non-issue because the amount of burden would be significantly lessen. This welfare issue always ensues when non-white people have babies and it's a reflection of racist attitudes, even if it comes from a person of color because it's there perpetuation of racist notions in our society. Also, welfare is the lesser of two evils because the cost for the state to raise the child is significantly more expensive
If Ms. Suleman is capable of raising those children is not for me to decide or predict. Motherhood is not something you buy in a store, you're not born with this special talent although some women are naturals at mothering, I wasn't one of those kind of women, there are not classes (well they have what they call classes that don't cover everything or nearly everything) and from what I've learned as a mother it is all trial and error.
I defend this women because I think that her actions were heavily influenced by societal forces that say to women, first of all, get a man and have babies. This woman wasn't able to get a man but she followed through on the bare foot and pregnant programming and now everyone is blaming her. I felt a ting of anger when feminist didn't come out in support of Ms. Suleman but why would a group of largely over educated, middle to upper class women come out in defense of a poor Hispanic woman in Los Angeles.
I blame the irresponsible oversight of a medical practitioner who allowed his patient to become married to the use IVF, much in the same way people say that women use abortion as a form of birth control, this is just the opposite situation. I'm struggling with the need to blame anyone and what I'm really wanting is for us to find enough compassion to make the situation better or at least treat the woman with respect regardless of our personal beliefs and opinions. I'm turned off by the media to dub her octomom, it's an example of verbal abuse, public and socially acceptable. The truth is that I don't have a good defense for why Ms. Suleman made the choices she made but I am convinced beyond anything else that she has a gigantic heart and desire to be a mother. She must of got some of my mothering genetic material and from all accounts this is a woman who loves her children, what part of that deserves to be beat up upon. We're off put by the number of children but historically women had at least a dozen children and no one blinked. I'm not interested in making her situation understandable to the masses but I am wondering what is it about this culture, why are we so hyper critical? Why are we so quick to offer criticism and bash people with jargon and over inflated opinions? What kind of world do you want these kids to grow up in and why should they have to discover that other people didn't approve of their mothers decision? Why are we so numb to the abusive language of everyday media?
The whole Suleman situation is just an example of how our culture has gone awry. Kate Gossling said the most profound and wonderful thing, she said every child born is worthy. Let us as a community, the human family remember that every being deserves basic things and that every human being including Ms. Suleman deserve support and respect. Imagine a world where people don't criticize but support one another through our mistakes and our achievements. Imagine a media that informed us about the good instead of the bad, that would be a great day, a miracle but a wondrous moment. I'm exhausted with the lack of compassion of people, where is the love and in the words of Green, can't we all get along? Can we?
I am perfect and I am whole and I am complete. I LOVE ME!
No comments:
Post a Comment