March 31, 2009 @ 6:16am

Wow, I can't believe it's the lat day of March, I felt like it was just December yesterday or at best January. I guess it's the cold weather that keeps the desire for spring in your soul but fails to convince your mind, especially when long johns, hat, scarves and gloves cover every square inch of your body and how the slightest bit of cold makes you feel as if winter is going to last forever. I'm smart enough to know winter will pass but sometimes I really do wonder, I really do get teh feeling that this whole earth atmospheric shift may not be towards warmth but in effect a movement toward more cold, let us pray that I am utterly and completely wrong.
Today's affirmation is The gifts of the Spirit spill out through me daily as peace, joy, wisdom, intelligence, healing, and love. I choose for myself what my good life will be, knowing that God fulfills me at the level of my expectations (from scienceofmind.com).
I'm needing these words of affirmation this morning as I continue to struggle with my purpose or the full complexity of what I want to do with my life. I woke up this morning coming to grips with the power of my mind to believe whatever it wants to believe. If I decide today to be a science teacher, then so be it, I can put this thought into my mind and use my subconscious to innact this idea and make it manifest and if this is true than it stands to reason that anything else can be true. For example, I don't have a concept of ugly, no one is ugly to me and sure enough when I go about my business in the world, no matter who I meet and how they look, there has never ever been a moment when I thought someone was ugly. I might of thought that their behavior was ugly but not their physical appearance. I have enjoyed seeing what is uniquely beautiful about all people and taking time to appreciate this uniqueness. I love this about me and I know it contributes to the joy I experience in meeting new people and my ability to embrace people no matter what they look like as well as this continued inner desire to be a humanitarian. To love the people, to bring the people to the light and for people to recognize their own magnificience.
It's a morning of great anticipation because I will be spending some time with a friend today and this feels good, feels right and I'm excited. I'm ready to define who I am in the world and make the agreements I want to make with myself. I feel extremely empowered to choose what is the best life for me and It has some material comforts but it is grounded in wanting to be a positive force in the world and it's rooted in expressing what is unique to me without regard to other peoples definition of what is right or wrong. Maybe all this business of right and wrong is wrong and maybe what's wrong is all right and what is right is a travesty and wrong on so many levels. I think about sexual expression and I'm not toting irresponsibility but I am expressing this need for people to come out of their repression and in a responsible manner have the intimate exchange that is vital to their health and well being. It's the one area where we still struggle as a people, where the cloth of religion puts its heavy hand on how people come to sexual interaction and for the most part religion keeps the act in a box, calling it pro-creation and maybe back in the day when there wasn't any technology to keep people busy, there needed to be some control on sex but nowadays, people sit at their computers, derive sexual pleasure from cyber space at the expense of ever having real and abiding human exchange, I've got to think that this is not all right or at least something is wrong.
Enough about sex, this might be why I stay horny all the time and it might be why I am so open to people, the driving force behind my yearning for deeper, more meaningful human to human connection. I think that it's not so much I want to have sex with every human being I encounter but sex has been the place where I have experienced the highest connection with someone else and so it stands to reason that I come back to it time and time again. More than anything, I want to hug people, I want to listen to people, I want to laugh with people and I just want to sit on my porch swing and share the silence with others. And all this seems so simple yet it is the epic of beauty, the ultimate soul goal for divinity to be commonplace in my life.
I had an interview at a place with older people, where the elderly were cared for in their final days. Days laden with dimentia and even with that diagnosis, there are some things you never forget. You never forget the feel of a loving touch, you never grow to old to enjoy a beautiful sunny day and you never forget how fragile yet hard life can be. What I saw in those people was the will to live despite the loss of memory because some memories aren't the only substance of life. We may lose our memory of others but we never lose the memory of ourselves. The memory of us as human and with basic human needs, with basic human wants and with basic humanness. I was feeling on the fence about this job but now I want to be there, I want to sit in the lap of contemplation and to be challenged to live my best life because it is only a flash before it is all over. And I will live life knowing that the good I so desire will manifest, I will live in my moments more and I will love unconditionally and first I will honor who I am.
I am not complicated and I am unique, I am flavorful, moody and energized. I am this big beautiful body and pretty face. My hands and feet are large, my breast may sag with splendid perkiness and my butt is that of a swimmer or runner which ever floats your boat. I'm honored to have a charismatic personality, the vivaciousness that I bring to the table is a blessed gift and I promise from this day forward to be my best me, even when it isn't easy, even when I want to do the same thing that I've always done, I'm going to do better, I'm going to live with righteousness, I a God made manifest and the least I can do is honor the creative miracle that is me and be the change I want to see in the world. Everybody else can do what they want without judgment from me and I will do what I feel is loving and forgo any judgment of myself and I refuse to take in the passing judgments of others. This is my life, this is the only life I am going to have and before memory of past fails me, which might not be a bad thing but before others need to tend to my basic needs, I will do my best to have enough moments to comfort me in the days when memory is lost but being in the moment is the most splendid of things.
I am perfect and I am whole and I am complete. I LOVE ME!